


And I Want It Now

by Mother_Mercury



Series: Just the Price I pay [2]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Bottom Brian May, Depressed Brian May, Established Relationship, First Time Topping, Fluff, Growing Old Together, Insecurity, Lingerie, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Really just two dudes in love over the years, Smut, Strip Tease, That's it, health scare, lap dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_Mercury/pseuds/Mother_Mercury
Summary: Brian and Roger's relationship throughout the years.Or the one where Brian and Roger get everything they want and somethings they didn't ask for.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Series: Just the Price I pay [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789315
Comments: 84
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am finally back with this second part and I am PUMPED UP.
> 
> Anyways please enjoy these two dudes in love. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr Mother-mercury44

**1983**

Roger fiddled with the edge of the comforter, listening to his husband snore. He debated if he should bring it up today or wait until tomorrow. Brian said he wanted today to be special and if Roger brings it up, it could start an argument. 

Well not an argument. Brian will say “ _let’s think about this love_ ” and Roger knows he’ll tell Brian something along the lines of “ _oh what you think I’m just some dumb blond?_ ”. Even though Roger is fully aware his husband doesn’t think that and will encourage and support Roger no matter what.

The blond laid down facing his husband, not caring that Brian’s breath was god awful and the older man was drooling. He leaned over and placed a sweet kiss to Brian’s nose before flicking it with his two fingers.

“Mhm, what the hell,” Brian groaned, aggressively rubbing his nose. 

“Morning Brimi,” Roger said sweetly. 

Brian barely opened his eyes as he pulled the younger man into his arms. Their lips crashed into each others and Brian wasted no time plunging his tongue into Roger’s mouth. The younger man accepted it with no hesitation.

“Happy anniversary, Roger,” Brian said into Roger’s lips. “10 bloody years.”

Roger smiled. “You have morning breath,” the blond snorted. “Happy Anniversary, Bri. You still don’t want to get rid of me?”

“Never.”

The two laid naked in each others arms, kissing and rolling around. Every time feels like the first time, even after 10 years. Roger knows every trick to pull out to properly take care of Brian’s morning wood and Brian always returns the favor, making Roger’s eyes roll back and his toes curls. It’s their favorite Saturday tradition; wanking each other off early in the morning. Roger adores being sweaty and naked with his husband, he wants to continue this tradition for another 10 years and then another 10 years and another and another. 

Sticky and sweaty and hungry, the married couple took a rather long and hot shower together before heading downstairs to make breakfast.

Roger watching Brian make their breakfast, instantly brought back to the night Brian found out he was Rainbow. How Brian brought him back to Deaky’s flat and made the two of the breakfast for dinner.

Sometimes it feels like it was over 100 years ago. 

If someone would have told Roger that his life in 10 years would be the way it is, he would probably laugh in their face.

“You’re being quiet,” Brian said filling their mugs with tea. “Not like you.”

“My minds been every since I woke up today.”

Brian raised an eyebrow and Roger knew that was the older mans way of showing “go on”. Roger didn’t want to go on. He didn’t want to bring up what he was thinking about in bed and he doesn’t want to get emotional this early in the morning over how much he loves the life he created with Brian. 

“Love,” Brian said setting their plates on the table. “Talk to me.”

Roger pulled a face.

“If you don’t tell me I won’t give you your present,” Brian added with a grin.

Roger’s ears picked up. “If I tell you we may fight,” Roger explained. “Or I’ll start a fight.”

Brian raised an eyebrow and Roger groaned.

“I want to go back to school,” Roger blurted out. “And I know our lives have finally calmed down and you’re settled in your career. I’m 34 have no business going back to school but I want to get my masters. I know I can do it.”

“Oh.”

Roger knew what the ‘oh’ meant. It meant that Brian had spent the last five year drafting out his book that was recently published. They spent the last year on a press tour for his book. Roger has never been more proud of Brian. The sleepless nights and breakdowns were all worth it when he received noticed that his book is a top seller. That ‘oh’ meant the couple had spent most of their savings to start up their non profit for animal rescue. Their garden and house was used as their facility until they had enough from donations and to purchase a small farm. 

What started off as Roger supporting his husband’s dream quickly turned into Roger sharing the same dream as his husband. They worked incredibly hard together the last 10 years to achieve everything they wanted and still had work to do. 

Roger doesn’t regret a second or pound spent in the last ten years. Now that things have calmed down, Brian suggested they take a page from Deaky and Freddie’s book and travel. The other couple spent the last 10 years visiting everything the planet has to offer. 

Roger planned a holiday to Japan for their 10 year anniversary, wanting to give Brian the holiday he deserved after everything they accomplished over the last 10 years. 

And now Roger decided to drop a bomb after things have finally calmed down.

“Rog,” Brian said, breaking the silence and grabbing a hold of the blond mans hand. “If you want to go get your masters by all means do it. I’m here to support you 100%. It’s going to be a lot of work but nothing you can’t handle.”

Roger felt the anger bubbling in his stomach. “You don’t think I’m smart enough,” Roger blurted out.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Brian said, already sounding exhausted of their conversation. Brian tightened his grip on Roger’s hand. “You have given me the world these last ten years. You given me your time, energy, support, and money. I’m gonna give it right back to you.”

Roger felt tears fill his eyes. He’ll never quite understand how or why Brian has put up with his shit for the last 10 years. Offering to pay for his classes when he was about drop them. Not caring that he lived a double life as a stripper named Rainbow. Supporting him through his stubborn independence. Dealing with Roger’s mood swings or his constant need to argue over everything cos he’s a stubborn arsehole who needs to get the first and last word in.

“I fucking love you,” Roger said, climbing into Brian’s lap.

Brian wiped the tears off the blonds face and clasped their hands together. “I love you too,” Brian cooed. “Now let’s finish this up so I can give your gift.”

Roger quickly cleaned up before joining Brian in getting ready for the day. They made a deal that for their 10 year anniversary there is no limit to what the gift can be. The only rule is comfy jumpers and a relaxing day in the house. Roger’s not complaining by any means, they have been constantly on the move and would like a lazy day.

Or maybe they are showing their age. Roger likes to joke that he’s married to an old man. Brian likes to inform his younger lover that 36 is not old, he’s matured.

Roger handed Brian the a large envelope, containing the details of their trip.

“What are these divorce papers,” Brian joked.

Roger snorted. “Like the law will ever allow us to get married.”

Brian shot Roger a look. The same look he gives Roger whenever the blond let’s the anger of the unfairness of the law take over. The look helps calm Roger down. He’ll take a second to breath before looking down at their wedding bands. Roger doesn’t need the law. The law can fuck off.

Brian is his husband and that is that.

Roger watched Brian gently open the envelope and his eyes light up the second the curly haired man figured out what the stack of papers is.

“Bloody Japan, Roger. Japan,” Brian shouted.

“You deserve it,” Roger grinned. “I think I won.”

Brian shook his head with a laugh before leaning over to squeeze the life out of his husband. 

“Wasn’t a competition,” Brian explained, standing up and offering a hand to Roger. “Come on time for your gift. Close your eyes.”

Roger stood on shaky legs with his eyes closed, letting Brian lead him through the house. After nearly eight years of living here, Roger has a pretty good sense of his way around the house with his eyes closed. Brian led him from the living room, past the kitchen and out the side door. The sun blinded him even though his eyes were closed and he nearly tripped over the side door step.

"Easy love,” Brian said quietly, holding onto him just a bit tighter.

Brian held him steady before walking from him. “Open,” Brian said. Roger could hear his smile.

Roger opened his eyes and saw a car. A sky blue Chevy LUV Pickup Truck, also known as the car he hasn’t shut up about for the last year. The dream car he wanted but gave up ever owning after dedicating his money to Brian. 

“Bri,” Roger sighed. “That’s a fucking car.”

Brian snorted. “Glad you’re vision isn’t off today,” Brian said. “Thought we could go for a drive.”

“You bought us a car?”

Brian shook his head. “I bought you a car,” Brian explained. “As an anniversary gift and a thank you. A big thank you for everything.”

Roger hugged his husband and placed a kiss to his lips before running to the car. He examined every part inside and outside and under the hood. He went on and on about every detail, even though Brian had not a single clue what he was talking about. He started the car and let his eyes flutter shut at the sound of the engine. 

“She’s fucking perfect,” Roger said, mostly to himself.

The blond reversed out of the drive way, keeping one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Brian’s knee. He tried his best not to be distracted by the way Brian’s curls moved when the wind hit them or when Brian reached over and started to stroke his cock slowly. Roger kept his eyes on focus on the road. It wasn’t until Brian pulled his cock out of his trousers that Roger pulled over and let his husband blow him. 

“Happy anniversary,” Roger moaned.

Brian mumbled around Roger’s cock. The younger man couldn’t quite make it out but it was something close to ‘happy anniversary’.

-

“You look good,” Deaky said, tipping his beer bottle to Roger.

Roger isn’t sure if his younger mate is referring to his new hair cut or the relaxing glow he has from his holiday in Japan with Brian or-

“You look well shagged,” Deaky added.

Roger lightly kicked Deaky’s shin under the table. The younger man isn’t wrong. Brian managed to properly shag him multiple times a day and in every position imaginable.

A proper holiday.

“Moving on,” Roger grinned. “When’s the closing date for the new house?”

Deaky went on to explain how they are closing in two weeks and volunteered himself and Brian to help them move. Roger gave Deaky an over dramatic groan, but the truth is that Roger can’t wait to spend the whole day with his best friend. The pair haven’t seen much of each other in the last year. Brian and Roger have been busy with Brian’s book, the farm, and running a non profit. Freddie and Deaky have been shagging in every city across the globe.

Roger misses the day of living on Deaky’s couch and occasionally sneaking into his bed. Though their lives have changed in the last ten years, Roger wouldn’t want it any other way.

“At least things have calmed down,” Deaky added. “You two can finally enjoy everything you have worked towards.”

Roger sipped his beer. “Uh I’m actually going back to school,” he said. “I want to get my masters.”

“That’s great, Rog. Really proud of you,” John said squeezing his arm. “Are you breaking out the spandex and climbing back on the pole to pay for it?”

Roger’s jaw dropped and he quickly covered it as he laughed, a little too loud for the pub. “Deaky. You bloody arse,” Roger said between laughs. “NO. The school I work at now is offering to pay for most of it.”

“That’s a shame, I miss Rainbow,” Deaky joked. 

Deaky went on to tease Roger about his stripping days, he doesn’t take offense to them and joined the younger man in some of the jokes. It wasn’t long before the two were properly pissed and called a cab to take them back to Brian and Roger’s. The older men were hanging out at the house catching while Roger and Deaky had a proper boys day out. Which was really them heading to the pub at 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday.

Roger and Deaky stumbled into the garden and Roger locked eyes with his husband. Who looked absolutely delicious in his shorts and shirt with most of the buttons undone. Roger could feel his dick taking interest at the sight. 

Roger was about to kick his two mates out when his thoughts were derailed by a large dog nearly knocking him over.

“Hello,” Roger slurred. “You are very beautiful but who are you and why are you in my garden?” 

Roger looked at his husband and then Deaky and Freddie who all had cheeky grins plastered across their faces. They clearly know something that he doesn’t. He continued to pet the dog, getting down on the ground and letting the black and brown dog lick his face and drool all over him. 

“You are a friendly-” Roger trailed off, looking down under the dog. “Lad. You are a very friendly lad aren’t you?” 

Roger rubbed behind his ears and nuzzled his face with the dogs with his own. He felt a few tears escape his eyes, blaming on the fact that he’s drunk and the memory is still fresh of having of losing Comet and Star six months ago. 

“When did you two get a dog,” Roger asked, trying his best to stand up. The few too many pints and the dog jumping on him made for a struggle.

“You think I got a dog? Good one Rog,” Freddie laughed. “We are a cats only home.”

Roger turned to Brian, his lips pouted and his heart beating rapidly. “We got another dog?”

Brian met him in the middle as they pulled each other in for a hug. Roger leaned most of his weight on his husband and rubbed his sweaty and tearful face into his chest.

“Deaky took you out so I could pick him up,” Brian explained. “I told him not to get you drunk.”

Brian faked an angry glare and Deaky who just gave him a drunk hiccup in response. Roger eventually pulled away from Brian’s arms, going back to give his new dog some love. 

“His name is Einstein,” Brain said, getting down on the grass next to Roger. “I got him from my mums neighbor.”

Kissing his husbands lips a little more heated than necessary. He didn’t mind though and he knew all too well that Brian couldn’t care less. He spent the last 10 years watching Freddie and Deaky nearly fuck in the booth at the bar. 

Looking over his lover, his friends, and his new baby, Roger can’t help but feel overly delighted with his life. Life everything has fallen into place. Ten years in the making to get to here. Not a second wasted. 

Things are perfect. 

-

Climbing into his car after orientation had Roger feeling like he could breathe for the first time since leaving the house this morning. He placed the mound of papers on the passenger seat and let his head fall to the steering wheel. 

_I can do this_ , Roger thought to himself.

He put the car in drive and instead of driving home, Roger went for a drive. He didn’t want to think. Just listen to the engine and breathe in the fresh air. He didn’t want to think about how he should have gotten his masters five years ago and not put it on hold. That was a sacrifice he made for Brian.

And given the chance to go back in time, Roger wouldn’t change anything. 

Brian gave him everything and more for Roger to finish Uni the first time around. This was Roger repaying the older man, since he never paid back the money gave him to pay for his classes. 

But being 34 and going back to school is rough. He was the oldest one at his orientation, the rest of his class is filled with 22 year olds who have recently graduated. Everything they learned over the last four years still fresh in their mind while the only thing fresh in his mind is having to pay the bills for the farm and pick up Einstein’s new ear medication from the vet. Not to mention help Deaky and-

_Stop thinking_ , Roger mumbled out loud.

The blond turned up the radio, drowning out his own thoughts as he drove through the countryside.

-

“Rog,” Brian said quietly from his spot on the couch.

Roger mumbled out a yes, not opening his very tired eyes.

The couch dipped behind him and Roger felt Brian’s body plastered across his own. While the older mans body was once thin and lanky, he started to slightly work out over the last few years. That paired with all the outside gardening and animal care taking have caused Brian to put on some muscle. Roger loves being on his knees between Brian’s strong thighs or when the older man hoist him up and fucks him against the wall like Roger weighs as much a feather. Which Roger knows all too well isn’t true. No longer a stripper or 24, Roger found himself gaining weight in his arse and getting just the tiniest bit softer around his middle. He remembers being insecure when he first noticed it. All insecurities went away the moment Brian bent him over the kitchen table and ate his arse out for what felt like hours. 

“Why are you smirking,” Brian asked.

“Thinking about you,” Roger cooed and Brian let out a soft ‘ _awe’_. “And your tongue in my arse.”

Roger felt Brian’s lips against his neck, trialing up to his ear and kitten licking the shell of his ear. “Well that’s probably cos we haven’t had sex in 11 days,” Brian grinned.

Taking in Brian’s words, Roger’s eyes shot open as he tried to count if it had really 11 days. The pair usually fooled around at least twice a day. Had they missed their lazy Saturday orgasms?

Brian’s hand trailed down his side and landed on his cock. Which had been semi hard ever since he thought about Brian’s strong thighs. Roger rolled so he was on his back with his lover hovered over him, Roger’s favorite place in the whole damn world. 

“I’m sorry Brimi,” Roger said, rubbing his hands along Brian’s strong arms. “My heads been everywhere lately and I can’t stop thinking about us.”

Brian dropped his arse to rest against Roger’s lower stomach. A look of worry was on the older mans face.

“What about us,” Brian frowned. “You don’t mean thinking about us in a bad way, right? I know the last bit of our lives have been all about me but I want you to know that this everything is all about you for the rest of our lives.”

Roger pinched the underside of Brian’s arm, causing the older man shriek.

“You daft sod,” Roger cooed. “No, I’m not leaving you. Now kiss me before you start crying.” 

Roger never felt Brian kiss him like he did this time. The older man kissed him like the universe depended on it. As if Roger would float away if Brian didn’t kiss him. Roger’s cock twitched in his briefs when Brian moved his arse. 

“I’ve been thinking about how perfect everything is,” Roger explained, his lips grazing over Brian’s. “I can’t believe you still want me after all this time. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Roger closed the gap between them and ran his hands under Brian’s shirt to play with the older mans nipples. Rubbing the erect bud between his fingers, loving how sensitive they are. 

“You given me everything,” Brian moaned into Roger’s mouth, pulling the blonds short hair. “You deserve this life Roger.” 

A few minutes of snogging passed before the two ended up naked with Roger bouncing on Brian’s cock. He’ll never get used to the stretch of his thick cock and he never wants to. He wants every time to feel like the first time. He wants Brian running his hands all over his body, tracing over every inch with his fingers like it’s the first time. 

“I’m always gonna be here for you, Rog,” Brian moaned. “Always gonna take care of you.”

Roger moaned and threw his head back. “Please, Bri. Please,” Roger whined, bouncing fast on Brian’s cock. “Wanna come.”

A large hand wrapped around his cock, stroking him in time with Roger’s bounces. 

“Come for me love,” Brian moaned, jerking his hips up into Roger’s tight heat. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Bri-” Roger moaned, eyes rolling back as Brian fucked him through his orgasm. 

The after shocks of his orgasm left him feeling thoroughly fuck out. He let his head drop to Brian’s shoulder, letting the older man fuck into his over sensitive hole. Thankfully Brian finished a couple minutes later, not having sex in 11 days clearly had the older man ready to burst. 

Brian cleaned him up, the same way he did for the last 10 years before grabbing a blanket and snuggling up behind the blond man.

“Head still full?”

Roger sleepily shook his head. 

“Roggie,” Brian said stroking the blonds hair. “I love you.”

“I love you, Brimi.”

Great sex doesn’t magically get rid of the stress of school and work or make Roger feel like he deserves the life he has, but it’s a start for a now. A gentle (or not so gentle) reminder that no matter what happens, Roger has Brian. Brian who loves him more than the stars and the moon and everything else. And that’s enough for Roger. 

Roger’s gotten everything he’s wanted in his life so far. Even things he didn’t even know he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger finishes school, again.   
> The two dumb boys fight, again.  
> Everyone's insecure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been nearly two months, sorry! Life is crazy and I use my free time to shower.
> 
> Please let me know if you like ! Means the world to me.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr Mother-mercury44

  
**1985**

“Weren’t we just doing the same thing not too long ago?” Deaky asked holding Roger’s flowers. “Standing outside with a crying Brian and an anal Freddie pinning a cap to Roger’s head?”

Roger smirked, locking eyes with his husband who was wiping the tears from his face. It’s been a long two years filled with a stressed out Roger crying nearly every other day and a very sweet and kind Brian doing everything to help him.

He knows all too well he couldn’t have done this without Brian. His lover. His rock. His better half. His husband.

Roger can’t wait to thank him by getting down on his knees and taking Brian’s long and thick-

“Roger had more hair back in the 70’s,” Freddie pointed out, causing Roger to forget about his dirty thoughts. “Why’d you have to cut those blond locks off? What does Brian pull in bed now? Mhm?”

“Fred,” Brian half warned.

Freddie finished his cap after 15 minutes and the four of them had a little photo shoot outside the auditorium. Roger didn’t miss the way Brian cupped his ass and gave him a few firm squeezes.

“Alright,” Roger said shoving the three of them away from him. “Go sit down so we can get this over with so I can get a fuckin beer.”

As much as Roger joked all week about not caring about his graduation, he’s lying. The three of them know it too. He’s proud of his accomplishments and wants to throw his diploma up again as sort a big verbal fuck you to everyone who doubted him. He wants to hear his crowd of three cheer the loudest. He wants to see the look of just pride and joy on Brian’s face as he crosses the stage. 

“I’ll see you after,” Brian whispered, not bothering to look around as he kissed the blond man. “I’ll be the tall one cheering like a mad man. Blow me a kiss when you cross the stage.”

Roger kissed his husband back. “I’d rather blow something else,” Roger snorted, earning a low moan from Brian.

“We’re in public,” Deaky reminded them with a fake scowl on his face.

The coupled flicked the other two off before sharing a final kiss and Brian sending Roger off with a smack on his arse.

Just as the announcer finished saying Roger Meddows Taylor, his cheering section of three shot out of their seats and cheered louder than they did the first time around. Roger’s forever grateful that not much has changed between the four of the over the last 10 years. 

-

Roger settled into his new job nicely, the hours can be long some days but that comes with being the new person in the lab. Not everyone has taken so kindly to Roger’s laid back and bold personality but he has become quite close with Dominique. 

Dominique caught Roger’s eye, probably the first time a women has ever caught his eye. She stood out from other women in the lab in her pantsuit and her hair down instead pulled back. Most of the women were clearly intimidated by her and most of the men wanted to be her. He knew they were meant to be friends from the moment of their first interaction. 

“Dominique, can you come take a look at this?”

She shook her head and walked over to him. “You can call me Dom,” She tsked before looking at the Roger’s findings. “I prefer to go by Dom. That way people know my name and my role in marriage.”

“Oh fuck,” Roger whisper mostly to himself. “Sorry, Dom. Your husband is lucky man.”

“Mon cheri,” Dom cooed. “Your lover is a lucky man too. He has such a sweet and little obedient thing like you.”

Roger’s eyes went wide and quickly scanned the room to make sure no one was eavesdropping on their conversation. He isn’t looking to be outed and to have his career be based off his sexuality instead of what he brings to the table.

Dom placed a soothing hand on his shoulders and squeezed gently.

“Your secret is safe with me,” Dom whispered. “Let me buy you a drink after work and we can chat about our men.”

And that’s how Dom found her place in Roger’s life. Working together in the lab, sharing ideas and thoughts. Once in a while they went out for drinks if it wasn’t too late. They swapped life stories over pints and Dom always made sure he got home safe. They have tried to make plans to have their respective husbands join them for drinks one night, but the stars have yet to align for that to happen. So Roger has made it a point to tell Dom all about his husband and to tell his husband all about Dom.

“Dom’s just got this energy,” Roger said wiping the sweat from his forehead as he leaned over the engine of his care. “It’s insane. The two of us just work together so well in and out of the lab.”

“That’s nice, Rog,” Brian said plainly, not looking up from his book. 

Roger paid no mind to his husband, usually he won’t even bother to pretend he’s listening when his mind is lost in whatever book he is reading.

“I was thinking we could all get together for some drinks on Saturday,” Roger said leaning against the car. “Dom’s the only person who can chug a pint faster than me.”

“Interesting,” Brian said absentmindedly. 

Roger sighed and rolled his eyes before throwing the grease rag down and walking over to his husband. He plopped himself down on Brian’s lap, knowing full well he was getting the older man filthy. Roger tossed the book Brian was reading on the chair next to them and crashed his lips to Brian’s. 

Brian didn’t plunge his tongue into Roger’s mouth like he usually does which made the blond feel uneasy. 

“Brimi,” Roger whimpered. “What’s wrong? Usually you’re trying to bend me over the car when I’m all sweaty like this. Now you’re barely listening to me.”

Brian shook his head and Roger let his fingers drift to his husbands curls.

“It’s noting, love. Nothing at all,” Brian smiled. 

Roger wasn’t convinced and squinted his eyes at his husband. Brian squinted back before leaning into and softly kissing him. Roger wiggled his arse enough to tease Brian, feeling the older mans cock hard underneath him is one of his favorite feelings in the world.

“If you say so,” Roger moaned into Brian’s mouth.

“I do say so,” Brian growled. “Now go inside and bend over something so I can’t eat you out.”

-

Roger still wasn’t convinced that there was nothing wrong with Brian. The blond knows all too well that pestering Brian will only make things worse. 12 years together and Brian still hasn’t gotten use to Roger’s caring and sometimes overwhelming pestering. 

Instead of pestering, Roger decided to observe his husband to see when he starts acting odd. Which led to Roger finding out that him going out once a week or every other week with Dom seemed to put Brian in a short and snappy mood. 

“Do you have a problem with Dom,” Roger asked while in slightly tipsy in bed one night. 

The older man was clearly pretending he was sleeping.

“Bri,” Roger groaned. “I know you’re up.”

Roger rolled over and sat facing Brian, who had his face pressed into his pillow. The blond shook the older man until Brian broke out in a fit of giggles.

“Brimi,” Roger said kissing the older man as he giggled. “What’s with Dom that you don’t like?”

Before Roger could pester him anymore, Brian flipped him over and pinned his wrists above his head. Roger let the older man kiss up and down his neck, his eyes fluttering shut with every press of Brian’s lips against his skin. The blond felt his dick twitch, taking great interest in what Brian’s mouth is doing to him.

“Please stop talking about Dom,” Brian growled, sucking on Roger’s ear.

Roger pushed his husband off of him and raised an eyebrow. He really can’t keep ignoring Brian’s feelings towards his friendship with Dom but slightly tipsy Roger isn’t fully capable of having this conversation.

“Bri,” Roger whined. “Why don’t you like that I’m friends with Dom? We get on really well at work and go out for a few pints after work occasionally. I invite you out too but you always decline.”

Brian sat back on his heels between Roger’s legs, crossing his arms like an over grown toddler who isn’t allowed sweets after dinner.

“Just get on with it,” Roger snorted, his erection starting to wilt as his annoyance grew. 

“I just feel like there’s more to it,” Brain pouted.

Moving up so his back was against the headboard, Roger gestured his husband to keep explaining himself.

“Like you’re hiding something?”

Roger let out a fake laugh. “You think I’m hiding something?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Brian blurted out, clearly regretting it the second the words flew out of his mouth. “Fuck, Rog. That’s not what I meant.”  
  
Roger felt himself sober up as the his blood started to boil. He crawled out of bed, avoiding Brian who was trying to grab and stop him. While Roger’s days as a stripper named Rainbow only come up in playful jokes, the part of Rainbow jerking off Brian and Roger dating Brian isn’t brought up. Ever. The blond isn’t embarrassed by any means, it’s just a part of his life he moved on from. Brian never held it against him or made Roger feel like a liar or that he was untrustworthy. He knows Brian doesn’t and that he said it out of anger. 

Brian still said it and he said it to hurt him. The look of regret was plastered across the older mans face and Roger would by lying if he said that didn’t make him happy.

“Oh fuck you, Brian,” Roger spat, gathering his pillow and blanket. “Sorry I blew you when I was a stripper and then dated you as your student 12 fucking years ago.”

Brian flinched before following Roger out of bed while the blond gathered a few things he would need for the night. Roger hadn’t slept away from his husband since that that one night 12 years ago when Roger accused Brian of going out to the strip clubs. The rational part of Roger knows it’s silly to stomp into the guest bedroom instead of sorting it all out. The stubborn part of Roger couldn’t give a fuck if he was acting petty or whatever.

“Roger, I said something stupid. I never cared about you being a stripper or hiding it from me,” Brian explained, his eyes wet with unshed tears. “I’m just feeling a bit in the dark again and-”

“You what? You don’t trust me?”

Brian stood there not answering him was all he needed. Roger stormed out of the bedroom and made his way to the guest bedroom. He set everything down on the spare bed before peaking his head out the door to make sure Brian wasn’t following him.

“I love you,” Roger shouted into the empty hallway.

Brian peaked his head out from the master bedroom. “I love you,” Brian parroted back, his voice thick with emotion. 

Roger’s head hit his pillow in a bed that feels enormous. A bed without Brian’s warmth, light snoring, and a mop of curls tickling the back of his neck. He wants so much to run into the master bedroom and crawl into bed with Brian. He knows his husband is probably just as upset, if not more. The blond wants Brian to feel the way just as upset as he is, if not worse, than he feels tonight.  
  
While Roger would love to be mean and petty, he really cannot sleep without him husband. Which is why after hours of tossing and turning, Roger crept back into their bedroom and snuggled up to Brian, pressing his chest against Brian’s.

“Rog,” Brian sighed sleepily, pulling Roger against his chest. 

“I can’t sleep without you,” Roger explained feeling drained. His eyes fluttered shut, feeling safe and happy in his husbands arms. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have left,” Brian whispered, kissing the top of Roger’s head. “Let’s sleep now, love.”

Nuzzling his neck against Brian’s chest and kissing his chest lightly helped Roger fall tired for the first time tonight. He can’t believe he thought he could sleep without Brian. The rhythm of Brian’s heart and the rise and fall of his chest will always be his favorite way to fall asleep. 

“I’m so sorry, Roggie,” Brian whispered just as Roger drifted off to sleep. “So so so fucking sorry. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

-

Roger didn’t see Brian until late afternoon the next day, the older man went to the farm. Not that Roger minded he had about two weeks worth of paperwork to catch. Which kept him busy until Brian walked through the door with flowers and a bottle of wine and a very apologetic look on his face. He reached his arms open (not entirely sure if he wanted the wine, flowers, or Brian) and Brain flung himself into them.

“I’m sorry, Roger,” Brian said sitting in Roger’s lap. “I do trust you, I trust you more than myself.”

Kissing his husbands lips to shut him before he rambled on for the next few hours, Roger maneuvered Brian’s lanky body off his lap.

“You hurt me,” Roger stated. “You said it to hurt me and I know you didn’t mean it but it still hurt me.”

This time, Roger let Brian ramble. Ramble about all the things he’ll do to make it up and all the reasons he loves about Roger. Ramble about how much he values and respects him. Roger rambled right back. The two tend to work like that.

“I can’t promise that things will always be perfect,” Brian said softly, kissing Roger’s nose. “But I will always love and respect you more than anyone else.”

Roger let out a dramatic sigh. “Eh, perfect is overrated.”

Having made up, Brian opened the bottle of wine. Forgoing glasses and choosing to pass it back and fourth like a couple of kids at Uni.

“So not to bring it up,” Roger said far casual. “What’s your deal with Dom?”

Brian chuckled to himself, scratching the back of his neck. His most common nervous habit. “I feel like you get on better with Dom,” Brian admitted, his cheeks going red. “If you met Dom at the same time you met me, you probably would have ended up with em. And I don’t like thinking about a life without you.”

Roger let out a faked vomit noise. “Well that’s far from the truth and I can promise you that. Come out this Friday and see for yourself. You’ll see why I love Dom, but not the way I love you. I’ll never love anyone like you, Bri.”

Brian hesitantly smiled and Roger took it as a win.

-

Roger clung to Brian’s arm as they walked into the bar, always wanting everyone in the room to know that he is off limits due to being married to the fittest man in the room. He made sure Brian wore his white button up and left the top few unbuttoned pairing it with his tight trousers that make his cock look delicious.

While Brian and Roger mainly went to gay pubs with Freddie and Deaky, Roger assured him this pub was welcoming to all relationships. 

“Is Dom here yet,” Brian asked scanning the crowd.

Roger pointed to Dom and her husband, who were tucked away in a corner booth. 

“Is that Dom’s wife?”

Roger stopped in his tracks and released him arm from Brian’s before bending over and letting out a howl. He laughed loud enough to attract the attention to everyone in the bar.

“Alright Rog,” Brian said awkwardly.

“The man is her husband Matthew and Dom is the woman,” Roger said out of breath. “Dom is a woman, you tit.”

Once he regained his composure, Roger thought back to every story he told about Dom and realized he must have never said she’s a woman and assumed it was implied. He can see how stories about Dom may make her seem like a man. She is assertive and dominant, very dominant.

“I was jealous of a woman,” Brian said wide eyed. “Oh my bloody hell. I’m a wanker.”

“You thought Dom was gonna whisk me away,” Roger laughed while wiping the tears from his eyes.

Roger lead them over to the booth and quickly introduced Brian to Dom and Matthew and vice versa before letting Dom know that Brian thought she was a man.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Dom said kindly. “Roger talks about you and your ‘massive cock’ roughly 20 times a day.”

Brian nearly choked on his beer, he’s clearly not used to Dom’s mouth like Mathew and he are. 

“You and I both struck gold with our men,” Dom said raising her glass to cheers with Brian. “Sweet little men with perfect and tight little arses.”

Roger blushed and pressed his body against Brian’s, who seemed to finally stop being so tense with the whole Dom situation. The four of them all got on well and Matthew batted his eyes enough for Dom to tone it down for the rest of the night. 

It wasn’t until Roger and Brian were naked and sweaty in bed recovering from mind blowing orgasms that Brian spoke up.

“She’s amazing,” Brain said. “I see why you love her.”  
“You’re really talking about Dom after sex,” Roger laughed. “I’ll be sure to tell her that.”

“Oh please do. She’ll have a field day.”

-

Roger noticed the shift if Brian’s mood after meeting Dom and realizing she is indeed a woman and Roger is not in love with her. Their sex life resumed to normal and they most definitely made up for the sex they weren’t having. The two of them shifted their focus to their non-profit and played around with the idea of building a house on their land to be closer to everything. They made dinner plans with Freddie and Deaky.  
  
Things have gone back to normal but no matter what Brian says or does, Roger’s insecurities still creep up.

Brian bringing it up during a fight for the first time in 12 years really hit Roger hard. It’s like the wind was knocked out of him when Brian said those hurtful things to him. As if Roger has given his husband a reason not to trust him over the last 12 years. He would love to lay out all his feelings on the table and have a calm and adult discussion with Brian. The risk of it causing an even bigger fight is not something Roger can handle right now.

So he’ll keep to himself.

There has never been a point in the last 12 years that keeping to himself has worked. Brian always catches on. Always.

“You’ve been quiet,” Brian said softly in bed one night.

Roger rolled over and face his husband, admiring his slightly damp curls and sleepy eyes. The sharp and sweet smile Brian gave him nearly made him forget why he felt so uneasy these last few days.

Almost.

“I know we talked about it already and I don’t want to start a fight,” Roger said softly. “I can’t stop thinking about you not trusting me. Is what I did when I was Rainbow so terrible that you really can’t trust me 12 years later? Be honest with me, Bri.”

“Roger. Love,” Brian cooed. “I’ve been beating myself up over the last few days over what I said. I don’t ever want to hurt you and the fact of the matter is that I did. I did so cos I’m still insecure over it. I paid you to blow me and then saw you the next day is class and had not one fucking clue it was you. I’m disgusting. I projected my own insecurities on you and that wasn’t very fair of me.”

The words flying out of Brian’s mouth pulled at Roger’s heart. He tends to forget how stupid and gross Brian feels about his own actions. Even though Roger has told him time and time again that it doesn’t matter. He’s been so wrapped up in his own insecurities, he forgot his own husband has them too.

“Brimi,” Roger said sitting himself up next to his husband. He took Brian’s hand in his own and kissed each one of Brian’s knuckles. “I think it’s time we both drop how we felt 12 years ago. It doesn’t matter, look where we are now. If all of that led us to this exact moment and I was given the chance to do it all again, I’d do everything the same.”

Brian closed the gap between them and placed a gentle kiss to Roger’s lips. Roger swears on his life his heart broke through his rib cage.

“Would you do everything the same?” Roger asked into Brian’s mouth.

Waiting for his husband to respond, Roger opened his eyes and was met with Brian whose face was wet with tears. Lots of tears.

“I wouldn’t change anything,” Brian said wiping his tears. “Not a single bloody thing, Roggie.”

Roger knows they both mean it.

While things haven't always been perfect, they've still always loved each other. Through stupid fights and loving makeups. Through job changes and dream chasing. Through the very good and the very bad. They have always had each other and they will always have each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian turns 40.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is a short chapter a month later cos life is busy and I'm not doing too hot these days. I'll being updating next week and the hopefully I'll be on a better schedule. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr mother-mercury44

1987

Brian knew the comment that would come flying out of husbands mouth the moment he got up from the couch with a groan while holding his lower back.

“Lordy, lordy,” Roger sang with a smirk. “My husband sure is 40.”

“Not until Sunday,” Brian reminded him as he walked towards the kitchen. 

While Brian knows he isn’t terribly old, certain things in his life make him feel old. The way his joints are stiff in the morning and he groans getting out of bed. He finds himself saying things such as “while back in my day” or “I can’t eat that cos it gives me heart burn”. Not to mention the couch sex that he had with his husband, which was unexpected and incredibly hot, that left him with a sore back for nearly a week. But how can he suggest they move to the bedroom when Roger comes into the living room wearing a pair of red panties that do little to hide his straining cock?

Turning 40 doesn’t have Brian going through a mid life crisis by any means. He feels far away from a mid life crisis, actually. He has a husband he loves and for some reason love hims unconditionally right back. A job he loves and a non profit he loves even more. He never thought it was possible to have it all, but some how here he is having it all.

Brian turned around to look at Roger who has his glasses perched at the tip of his nose and his blond hair a perfect mess from his sleep, completely engrossed in reading their financial statements. Brian could watch Roger like this all day, especially when his nose scrunches up and he squints his eyes. He’s been in love with Roger since he started grading his papers back in 1973 and he is still just as in love with him as he was back then. Maybe even a little more. 

Brian truly has it all.

“What,” Roger asked pushing his glasses up his nose.

“I love you,” Brian answered. Every time he says it, it feels like the first time.

“Sucking up to me so you get a proper birthday gift, eh? I see straight through you,” Roger tsked playfully before his face went a bit more serious. “I love you, Bri. Always will. Even though you’re becoming an old man.”

Brian shook his head, not missing the way Roger watched his curls bounced. He placed his hand on his hip and used to other to point the blond.

“I’m 40, not dead. You’re right behind me,” Brian reminded him. “Just wait two more years and you’ll be an old man too.”

Roger dramatically placed the papers down before launching himself into Brian’s arms. The older man placed kisses the crown of Roger’s head as he wrapped strong arms around the smaller man.

“We’ll be a couple of old men growing old together,” Roger mumbled into Brian’s chest. “Sitting out on the porch with our cuppas as we talk about our lives together.”

Not that he’s wishing his life away, but Brian cannot wait for that. He can’t wait until him and Roger are matured and wise. They’ve been together for decades and can give wise relationship advice to young couples. He imagines the world will be a whole lot kinder to couples like him and Roger by the time they’re matured and wise.

“Speaking of doing old men things,” Brian said breaking away from his husband. “I don’t want a big party for my 40th. I’m with Fred and Deaky maybe a few others but nothing crazy. Promise me?”

“Cross my heart,” Roger smiled kindly. “Nothing crazy.”

-  
Roger had planned a small gathering at their house the night before his 40th and while it had started out as a few drinks, it quickly turned to a booze fest. Brian knew all too well that his husband could plan a wild and long night with just Freddie, John, Dom, Matthew, and a couple bottles of vodka.

His lovely husband made sure his drink was never emptied as well as his lap, which Roger only left when refilling drinks. Freddie made playful jokes about Brian having a hot, young, blond in his lap. Which Roger ate up as much as Brian did. They reminisced on the last 14 years and talked about the years ahead of them. Brian doesn’t have much of a plan for his future but he does know he wants to spend every birthday for the rest of his life with a lap full of Roger.

The night didn’t last long. Everyone had left by 11 and Roger undressed him for bed before midnight.

“Come on, Bri. Lift your hips,” Roger said, playfully swatting his hips. “Can’t sleep with your trousers on.”

“Trying to get me naked,” Brian joked as he tried to lift his lower half. 

Brian’s grateful his perfect husband gave him a blowjob this morning now that he’s too drunk to do anything. He’s already looking forward to the hot and steamy birthday sex tomorrow. He could feel his cheeks flushing and his dick trying to twitch in interest but being shut down by the vodka flowing through his blood stream.

“You’ll have to wait for tomorrow,” Roger said, finally getting his trousers off before removing his own and climbing into bed. “And if your too hungover, I’ll do all the work and ride you till you’re begging me to stop.”

“Or you could fuck me,” Brian offered bluntly.

They talked about it a handful of times in the last 14 years and Roger always politely declined. He claimed to not be a fan of topping and would change the subject. Brian never pushed Roger to top after the blond shut it down quickly the first time. The older man always preferred to top but would occasionally like to to bottom.

“Nah,” Roger said sticking out his tongue. “Prefer your dick in me.”

Trying to talk about this almost always seemed useless and Brian rolled over exhausted, shoving his face into his pillow with a groan. 

“You can’t have a preference if you never tried the one,” Brian mumbled. 

“Alright you lush,” Roger sighed playfully, snuggling up to him. “Let’s talk about it in the morning when your thoughts aren’t clouded by vodka.”

-

Waking up to a warm and wet mouth on his cock momentarily allowed Brian to not feel his hangover. His hands trailed down his own chest until he was met with wispy blond hair.

“Rog,” Brian moaned, his voice still thick with sleep. He tried to resist thrusting up into Roger’s mouth but the way the younger mans mouth was like a vice on his cock made it quite difficult. 

His husband has always been quite skilled in this department, making Brian come is record breaking (and embarrassingly) fast. Which is why Brian found himself coming only a few minutes after waking up.

The blond licked Brian’s cock clean before crawling up and sprawling himself across Brian’s chest. Big blue eyes shined up at him looking way too innocent for someone who was gagging on a cock not minutes ago.

“You’re amazing,” Brian whispered, the hangover setting in the front of his skull.

“Only the best for the birthday boy,” Roger smiled. “And since the birthday boy is very much showing his age with this hangover, I’ll go make breakfast.”

Roger kissed his lips and he tasted himself on them. “Thank you, love,” Brian said into his lips. “I’ll be down soon.”

His husband rolled out of bed looking absolutely adorable in his over sized t-shirt and briefs. Brian’s heart always skips a beat when he looks at Roger and he hopes that never changes. His eyes fluttered shut as he fell back asleep with a smile on his face.

His lie in didn’t last long as the piercing sound from the smoke alarm woke him up. Finally getting dressed and heading downstairs, Brian was met with a flustered Roger and the smell of burnt pancakes.

“Will that thing shut up,” Roger yelled before throwing his an oven mitt at the alarm. 

Brian grabbed a chair to stand on the turn off the alarm, the simple solution that went straight over his husbands head.

“How did I survive without you?”

“I wonder that too,” Brian joked.

The two worked together to clean up Roger’s thoughtful mess and decided that making breakfast together would be more efficient. And definitely more fun. Music played softly in the background as Brian mixed a new batter for the pancakes. He gave Roger the duty of cutting up front and making tea, a task that would be hard for him to not mess up. Hard but not impossible, Brian learned over the last 14 years.

Eating breakfast and talking about the celebrations the night before allowed the events of last night to slowly come back to Brian’s mind. Some parts were fuzzy, like him betting that he could drink more than Deaky. Some parts were crystal clear, like him asking Roger to fuck him. If weren’t for the sole fact of even more embarrassing things have been said and done, Brian would have smacked his head off the table.

Luckily his husband knew better than to bring it up.

It wasn’t until later that night Brian was less embarrassed more curious as to finding out an answer. 

“Is it me,” Brian asked very out of context.

“It always been you,” Roger sighed dreamily. “Love of my till the day I die.”

Brian sat up against the headboard, twiddling his thumbs and feeling very silly. “Roger,” Brian whined.

Roger sat up facing him, looking drained already. 

“You said you don’t care to top,” Brian started. “Which is your preference that you are allowed to have but you never tried it with me. I know I sound silly, I’m 40 years old pouting that my husband won’t fuck me and only wants me to fuck him.”

The amount of times Roger had been covered in sweat and grease after working on his car and Brian wanted the younger man to fuck in him into the mattress is probably in the triple digits. Brian would wrap his arms around Roger and grind against his leg, wantonly moaning in Rogers ear. The blond would either shut the idea of topping down or take over the submissive role, something Brian can’t resist.

“I’ve always had the role of the submissive twink, Bri. It suits me and I like it,” Roger said, Brian not fulling believing him. 

“Even if that was the whole reason,” Brian gritted through his teeth. “It’s not fair to me. You’re not even thinking about what I might want. And I would like it if we could switch every now and then.”

A slightly offended look stuck on Roger’s face. 

“The truth, Rog. Please,” Brian begged. 

“A few guys I was with before you said I was shit at topping,” Roger said, sounding much more like an insecure 20 year old rather than a 38 year old. “Not just once or my first time, a handful of blokes told me nearly every time I was shit at fucking them and I just decided not to put anyone through that God awful experience. Okay? It’s not you, it’s me.”

Brian was expecting to hear many different things, but not that. He wasn’t sure what to say or how to console his lover over things that were said over 14 years ago. He pulled Roger into his arms and stroked his hair like a child who had a bad dream.

“I’m sorry, Rog. If I would have know I wouldn’t have been a dick about it,” Brian repeatedly apologize. “Fuck the wankers.”

Roger waved a dismissive hand. “Nah,” Roger said. “They were probably right.”

The brunette went on explaining to Roger how those blokes probably said that only cos they only wanted to fuck him. His husband never quite seemed to believe him but he still smiled at his words. 

“If you ever want to try again, I’m always up for it,” Brian added towards the end of his speech. “If not, I’ll gladly fuck you for the rest of our lives.”

“Always the romantic,” Roger cooed. “I quite like having you inside me, you always fill me up just right. Plus I like being fucked. Is that a crime?”

“If it was,” Brian said drawing out his words as he push Roger back on the bed. “You’d be in lots of trouble you naughty boy.”

Brian pinned Roger to the bed with his above his head and ground his crotch against the blonds. The sweet whimpers from below and Roger’s pleading eyes sent all the blood in Brian’s body straight to his cock. If this is the sight he gets to see before making love to his husband, Brian will gladly spend the rest of his life topping his husband.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger turns 40 and Brian wears lingerie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me updating less than a week later. This chapter was actually supposed to be apart of the last chapter but i split it t give me more time to work on it. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> talk to me on Tumblr Mother-mercury44

**1989**

“So what’s the surprise,” Roger asked for the tenth time today.

The blond watched Brian pad around the kitchen leisurely like he hadn’t just dropped a bomb. He told Roger he’s planning a surprise for him on his birthday and gave no further information regarding any of it. Knowing full well he hates not knowing things.

“It’s amazing,” Brian smiled. “Your 24th birthday I had to beg you to come out of the bathroom and celebrate your birthday.”

“It’s called growth, Brian Harold May,” Roger snort. “You should try it. Now that I’m nearing 40, I’m full of wisdom and I have no problem giving it to people.”

“I’m older than you,” Brian said before planting a sloppy kiss to Roger’s cheek. 

Roger felt himself melt into the chair from the kiss. 16 years together and every kiss still feels like the first. There is a part of him that is surprised Brian hasn’t gotten sick of his complete and utter nonsense yet. The first and really only steady partner he had ever had. Someone who has truly seen him in all forms; some very high highs and the very low lows. And Brian never had the urge to leave him. Not when hid Rainbow from him. Not when he pushed him away when Brian kept bringing up marriage. Not when Roger nearly burnt down the flat making pancakes or ruined Brian’s favorite dress shirt by spilling wine on it. Not when he went back to school at 34. Not at any point when Roger’s own hang ups make him feel like he’s hard to love. 

Things haven’t always been easy but Roger has loved every single second of it all. Even when his husband teases him about his birthday plans. 

“Just let me know what I should wear or bring,” Roger rambled, trying to get anything out of Brian.

The older man turned to him with red cheeks. 

“What?”

“It’s not like that,” Brian said sheepishly. “I have plans for us out at the pub with everyone but my surprise is more like a gift. Well not a physical gift, more like a gesture of love? I’m sorry if that’s not what you thought it was, I can change it. I feel awfully dumb.”

Roger got up from his seat and wrapped his arms around the taller man, squeezing him a death grip. Brian relaxed quickly into his arms and let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t care what the surprise is, Bri. You know I love any surprise,” Roger smiled into Brian’s chest. “You know me, I’m simple. I want to have a few beers and give you a handy at the table. I don’t need you to spend money on me.”

“No handies,” Brian choked out. 

The memory of the last one might still be fresh in his mind. Brian was a nervous wreck of pleasured moans while Roger was having the time of his life. The blond still smiles at the memory.

“We’ll see,” Roger winked.

-

Roger’s actual birthday wasn’t as crazy he thought it would be, but it was Wednesday and they can’t seem to party like they used to on the weekdays. They still drank too many beers and Roger teased his husband under the table the whole night.

It was a good birthday.

The blond waited around Wednesday and Thursday for his surprise. He felt a bit on edge waiting for Brian to give him the gesture of love. It wasn’t until Friday after work that Roger walked into Brian’s gesture of love. He slowly walked into their bedroom and saw Brian fiddling with his outfit in the mirror. Which would be a normal site any other day but today Brian was wearing lingerie, something that Roger only ever worn.

Brian wore a pastel purple bra that was almost completely see through except for the small details of silver stars. Roger’s dick twitched in his pants at the sight of Brian’s erect nipples trying to break through the lace. His eyes trailed down Brian’s pale body to the matching panties that complimented his thin frame perfectly. The older mans cock was just too big for panties and there was a wet patch on the front already. Roger couldn’t see his arse but the younger man knew it was to fucking die for. The thigh high stockings made Brian’s legs look never ending. 

Roger found himself staring all slack jawed with an aching cock. Brian finally locked eyes with him and looked absolutely mortified. 

“This is silly,” Brian said quickly. “No 42 year old man should being wearing this in hopes his husband will fuck him. I’m changing.”

“Don’t you dare change,” Roger choked out. “You should only ever wear lingerie. You look beautiful and fucking hot. I want to write poems about you but I also want you to sit on my face.

Brian’s confidence seemed to grow as Roger spoke. He posed more confidently, trialing his fingers down his chest. The older man toyed with his own nipples for a second before walking over to him. The blond was grateful for Brian taking charge since he seemed to be glued to his spot on the floor.

“Happy birthday,” Brian said as he ran his hands down Roger’s sides. “You don’t have to top if you truly, truly don’t want to. You can still bottom but I’d like it if you took control tonight. I know it’s bold for me to have many requests on when it’s your birthday but-”

“Baby,” Roger moaned. He grabbed Brian’s hands and held them tightly in front of them. “On the bed, now. On your back, legs open.”

Roger quickly shed himself of his clothing as he watched Brian trip over his own feet to the bed. They never really ever switched up their dynamics, Roger quite likes being submissive. But something about his husband all dolled up as him really wanting to take control. 

The older man sprawled out on the bed with his legs opened looking absolutely delicious. Roger licked his lips at the sight and palmed himself through his trousers. As much as Roger wanted to rip the lingerie off and devour him, there was one thing. The younger man have never been the dominate one and Brian had never been the submissive one in their bedroom adventures. He didn’t know Brian’s limits while being the submissive one or what the man liked and disliked. His heart started racing as he thought about how over his head he is. Luckily for him, his husbands knows him all too well.

“Go slow Rog,” Brian smiled. “You know me and I trust you. Just do what feels rights and I’ll help guide you. If you do something I don’t like, I’ll simply say stop.”

Roger let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and shed his clothes before crawling on the bed to sit between Brian’s legs. The curly haired man ran his foot up and down Roger’s arm with a devilish smirk on his face.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Roger moaned before grabbing Brian’s shin and pulling him closer to him.

Roger pulled down the purple panties and flung them across the room. He quite liked the way Brian looked in just a bra and stockings. Their foreplay is something Roger will never take for granted. The way they grind their cocks together and pant into each others mouths. Brian insisting on always going down on the blond is a nice touch too. It wasn’t until Brian pressed a bottle of lube into Roger’s hands that everything set in for the blond. Flashbacks of being humiliated for “not knowing what he’s doing” made Roger see red.

“Hey,” Brian said warmly. “You gonna put those fingers in me? Open me up real nice for your cock?”

“Yeah,” Roger said lacking any confidence. “Yeah, Bri.”

Roger slicked his fingers up with more than enough lube, some of it dripping down on the mattress. He felt a bit flustered as Brian watched him. The older man picked up on his nervousness and turned himself over onto his hands and knees, bending down on his elbows give Roger a perfect view of his tight little arse. He placed one gentle hand on Brian’s cheek as one slick finger traced around Brian’s rim. Slowly pushing into Brian’s tight heat made Roger’s dick twitched.

“So tight, love. Gonna go slow,” Roger said with a groan.

Brian pushed back onto Roger’s one finger, guiding him and letting him know he can move a bit faster now that he was used to the stretch. 

“You can add another,” Brian moaned, his voice higher than usual. 

Pushing in another finger, Roger let him get used to the added stretch for a moment before working them in and out. He scissored and picked up the pace, punching sweet moans from Brian, who looked like an absolute sin pushing back and wantonly moaning. It was bit clumsily and took him a while to get a good rhythm and find the older mans prostate. Bending down and licking one around his fingers to Brian’s rim was a spur of the moment decision that paid of. Brian nearly screamed into his hand. By the time Roger was three fingers deep in his husband, he confidence started to grow with Brian’s moans.

“I’m ready, Rog. Please,” Brain said out breath. “Please fuck me.”

Roger watched him as he flipped over and used his long legs to pull Roger close. He lent down to kiss his husband, he slipped his tongue inside Brian’s mouth. Letting their tongues battle it out for dominance.

“Getting a little bold there, Roggie.”

“You taste fucking delicious,” Roger panted into his mouth. “Wanna taste you for the rest of my life.”

The blond slicked his cock up and hitched Brian’s legs a bit higher. While Roger felt a bit more relaxed, the nerves crept back up as he pushed into Brian. Or tried to. It took a few tries and Brian’s gentle voice before he successfully pushed in.

“Fuck,” Roger grunted, trying not push in too fast. “Fuck. Tight little arse, Bri.”

Brian let out a breath. “Big cock,” the curly haired man smirked.

Roger couldn’t be bothered to explain how he felt about that comment, too focused on not coming while letting out a choked sobbed once he was fully seated inside Brian. His balls rested snugly against Brian and Roger could swear he could feel them tightening. He let his head fall into Brian’s neck, switching between peppering kisses and sucking bruises.

“Feel so good inside me,” Brian moaned, looking up at him with big brown eyes. “Not sure why we waited to long. Not gonna last once you start pounding into me, hitting my sweet spot with that beautiful cock.”

The blond rocked his hips slightly and he found himself trying not bite the older mans shoulders.

“Gonna come in me? Fill me up,” Brian purred.

“What a mouth,” Roger said picking his head up. “This is all gonna end too soon if you keep talking like that. Are you okay?”

“Amazing,” Brian reassured him. “You can move, not need to be gentle. Not made of glass.”

Roger kissed him one last time before pulling out halfway and slowing pushing back in. A rush of pleasure raced through his body and he could have sworn he saw fireworks behind his eyelids. It was only a few thrusts later that Roger pulled out all the way before bottoming out again. Brian’s grunt made him snap his eyes open.

“Are you okay?”

“fucking amazing,” Brian whined. “Don’t slow down.”

Every time Roger snapped his hips against Brian, the older man thrusted up. Roger wanted to talk to Brian, he wanted to tell him how good feels around him. He wanted to praise Brian for taking it so well. He wanted to shower Brian with ‘I love you’s’ and kisses. Unfortunately, the only thing Roger could spit out was string of mumbled curse words and grunts. Brian had the sweetest moans and whines, he wasn’t doing much better in the speaking department. But the older mans hands on his bicep and Roger’s squeeze of Brian’s hip said everything that was unspoken between them. 

Roger hitched Brian’s leg higher to change the angle, allowing him to hit Brian’s prostate. 

“Please. Please,” Brian begged, his back arching off the bed.  
  
“Like that baby,” Roger choked out. 

He didn’t hit his prostate every thrust but when he did, Brian nearly folded in half every time.

“I’m close,” Brian said quickly.

“Wank yourself off me,” Roger grunted. “Touch yourself, love. Come on my cock.” 

The older man sit in his hand before grabbing his off cock and quickly wanking himself off. It took no more than a few strokes before he came in his own hand. He squeezed tightly around Roger’s cock, the blond feeling his own orgasm creeping up. Brian collapsed further into the bed looking like a right mess. 

“You look beautiful, Bri. You were made to take my cock,” Roger said, his thrusts falling out of rhythm. “Gonna fill you up, Brimi.”

One caveman grunt was the only warning gave before coming, filling Brian up. The almost purr Brian gave as he felt Roger fill him up, made Roger thrust his over sensitive cock into Brian’s over sensitive hole. 

Roger collapsed on top of his husband, panting into his neck. The two of them stayed like that for a few moments, catching their breath before Roger slowly and carefully pulled out. He cleaned his husband off and helped strip him of the last bits of lingerie before giving him pajamas to change into to. 

Once they were both cleaned up and changed, Roger jumped back into bed and pulled his husband flushed against his chest.

“Be honest,” Roger said quietly. “How was it?”

“Incredible,” Brian said without hesitation. “You’re incredible, love. I might be a bit sore in the morning. I love being inside you but we may have to switch more often.” 

“Briiii,” Roger whined.

“I’m serious,” Brian said firmly. “I would be honest if you hurt me or did something I didn’t like. We’ve been together 16 years, you think I would have to lie about this stuff? That I wouldn’t be honest? My only feedback is that I wish you were a bit more confident, but you’ll bet there love. I like my feisty and confident blond husband.”

Brian chatted more about what he like and disliked, already making plans to buy lingerie that’s not all lace and different types of lube. The older man made plans while Roger was in his own head thinking about the wankers who made him feel this way about topping. Who made him feel like he’s only good for being fucked. He thought a lot about how he hasn’t felt these feelings in such a long time due to Brian never making him feel that way. Not as Rainbow and not as Roger. The older man always let Roger know how much he is worth as a person.

Roger hadn’t noticed he was crying until Brian stopped talking about cock rings and wiped the tears from his face.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“I love you,” Roger sniffled, feeling a bit silly. 

“I love you, Rog. Never gonna stop,” Brian said back.

“As long as you never stop loving me.”

He doesn’t have to explain himself or pretend it’s emotions from the sex, his husband knows him all too well. He doesn’t have to explain how lucky he feels for having Brian or question what he did to deserve this life. The smiles exchanged between them said everything that could be said and has been said in the last 16 years. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A health scare gives everyone a lot to think about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a filler chapter??? yes. but only cos I scrapped the idea I had for this chapter cos I'm insane.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading this chaotic ass mess of a story. I love you all!
> 
> I have to proof read still 🥴🥴

**1995**

“Everything is going to be alright,” Roger whispered to Brian, whose leg was going to bounce a hole in the floor.

The blond kept his head on Brian’s shoulder as he ran his fingers threw John’s hair, who was sleeping on his lap. The poorly lit hospital allowed for John to sleep, something that younger man hadn’t done in weeks. The dark circles and bags under his eyes seem to have aged him 20 years. That and the whole “his husband may have cancer thing” also attributed to his state of not so well being.

Roger and Brian didn’t know what to expect when Freddie and John invited them over early one Saturday morning, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t hearing they found a mass on his kidney and not being able to do a biopsy until they removed the tumor along with some of his kidney. Freddie told them not to cry until they knew what they were crying about. That night Roger held Brian in his arms and stroked his curls while the older man sobbed.

It’s been nearly five hours since the oldest had gone into surgery and the moment they sat in the waiting room, John fell asleep. Weeks of non stop worrying and planning behind Freddie’s back had exhausted him. 

Roger has put on a brave face for his husband, who was worrying about his best friend. He put on a brave face for John, who was worrying about his husband. He put on a brave face for Freddie, who pulled him aside this morning and said “I’m scared”. 

“What if it isn’t,” Brian said not looking away from a spot on the wall.

“Then we’ll figure it out,” Roger stated. “We always do.”

Brian dropped his head on top of Roger’s and let out a breath that he’s clearly been holding in. Roger isn’t sure what else there is to say, instead he clasped his hand with Brian’s and kisses his knuckles.

The room was silent besides soft breaths and little snores from John. Occasionally the younger man scrunched his face up or mumbled Freddie’s name, breaking Roger’s heart even more. They have most likely two more hours before he’s out of surgery and Roger wouldn’t dare to move, not wanting to wake up John. Even though he’s had to use the loo since four and a half hours ago.

After what felt like an eternity in hell, the doctor finally came out. Roger slipped out from under John’s head and placed his coat in his spot. Not wanting to to wake John just yet. Roger would have loved to hold Brian’s hand as they spoke to the doctor. He would have loved to stroke his fingers over Brian’s knuckles and kiss his face just a bit too much. Since he cannot do any of those things, he simply placed a friendly hand on Brian’s shoulder. Giving a not so friendly squeeze.

“How’d it go? How is he? When we see him,” Roger spat out before the Doctor could open his mouth.

“It was touch and go for a moment,” The doctor sighed. “But we removed all the tumor and were able to save most of his kidney. He’s stable and in recovery. We should have his results soon.”

“Thank you,” Brian choked out. “Thank you so much.”

“You can see him in about an hour,” the doctor explained. “Before surgery he asked that you two make sure he eats something before visiting him.”

“Of course,” Roger smiled before looking back to a sleeping Deaky. “Thank you again.”

Without thinking, Roger leaned over and placed a sloppy kiss to Brian’s cheek and allowed his forehead to fall against Brian’s. Both men froze in their tracks in front of the doctor. Who leaned closer to them and smiled.

“My lover is a nurse in the pediatric ward,” He explained. “I’d love to go give a kiss right now.”

Smiles were exchanged between the three of them before the doctor walked off to continue his day.

“Can’t wait to tell Fred the doctor who performed the operation is gay,” Roger said. “He’s gonna have a field day with the jokes.”

-

John refused to eat once he woke up, he pushed past Brian and Roger and ran to Freddie. Well ran as fast as a man in his 40’s can run. The two decided to give them a bit of time alone together, not sure if Freddie and Deaky need a good cry or a bit of snogging. They picked up some crappy hospital food and walked silently to the room. While the surgery is done and over with, the next hard part is still to come. Roger knows Brian won’t be able to relax until he knows if his best mate has cancer or not.

“I know it’s scary but you can’t let him know you’re scared,” Roger explained outside Freddie’s room. “Say happy and positive things, don’t go all morbid on the lad”

Roger pushed open the door and was greeted by the married coupled laying together in bed, which mad his heart burst out of his chest. As well as pull on his heart strings while putting things into perspective. Life is short and unpredictable. Just as he could feel the tears welling up, Brian spoke up.

“Fred,” Brian near shouted. “The doctor who performed surgery on you is Gay.”

An eruption of laughter filled the room and Roger will forever be grateful for Brian and his big dumb mouth.

-

Freddie’s results came back that it was a benign tumor and everyone let out breath they’ve been holding since the doctor first discovered the tumor. They celebrated Freddie’s health and all had a good cry over weeks of worrying. Freddie and John went on holiday, the two seemed to quickly develop a “life is short” mentality. The two nearly cleared out their bank accounts to travel and indulge in expensive food and wine. 

Which made Roger and Brian think about their own lives. Roger noticed Brian spent more time in his study with his brows furred and a cuppa. Not wanting to disrupt his concentration, Roger let him be. His lover would let him on it whatever it is when he felt good and ready.

It was only a week later when Brian approached him but it felt like years.

“Love,” Brian said as the two of them laid in bed together. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Oh have you? I hadn’t noticed,” Roger joked taking off his reading glasses.

“I have this idea it seems crazy but I don’t know,” Brian said quickly. “Everything with Freddie made me realize that life is short and unpredictable. We should go after all the things we want.”

Roger let his husband go on about how precious life is and how valuable their time is. The blond isn’t sure where the older man is going to end with all this, Brian’s always been a big dreamer. Roger loves that about him but the nonprofit and farm seems to take up most of their time and money. He isn’t sure how much more dreaming they can keep doing.

“I want to buy a plot of land,” Brian explained. “Well it’s a small woods.”

That dream is a bit out of their budget and Roger knows he doesn’t have to tell Brian that.

“We can sell this house and build a small one for the two of us on the land,” Brian said before Roger could give him an answer. “Think of the animals we could save. Think of the life we could build together doing his; following our dream. I know you supported me through all of this already and I feel terrible for asking this of you. But-”

Roger leaned over and shut his husband up with a kiss. There’s loads to discuss and Roger isn’t ready for that right now.

“Your dreams are my dreams,” Roger said into his lips. “Let’s go over numbers and plans in the morning my love.”

“Yeah,” Brian smiled. “let’s do that.”

After a quick look at the numbers in the morning, this plan would have to stay a dream for a bit longer. Brian looked absolutely defeated but shrugged his shoulders and said ‘what can you do?’. Brian assured him that it was okay and a dream this big is going to take some planning. Roger would have sold his soul to make this happen for Brian. Instead, Brian decided to go back to teaching and Roger went back to the lab. 

Their dreams of having everything they want seemed even further away. Each passing day was a realization that their dream wasn’t happening. The twinkle of hope in Brian’s eyes seemed to dim each day. Roger tried his hardest to brighten it up but failed. Roger knew the older man didn’t blame him but it was hard to remember that when Brian grew distant in their every day life. 

It wasn’t until early one morning in the garden that Roger broke the silence.

“Are you angry with me?”

Brian looked at him after staring at the sky for the past ten minutes.

“Ever since we couldn’t purchase the land you’ve been weird towards me,” Roger said softly.

“Love,” Brian cooed. “It’s not your fault and I’m most definitely not angry with you. I’m a bit pissed at myself for getting too excited thinking that it could happen. I can’t stop thinking about Freddie’s scare. Thinking about how you or myself could get sick. I’m terrified something is going to happen to you, I don’t know how I would live without you. I just feel like I have no control over anything.”

Roger scouted his chair over so he was as close as he could be to Brian and grabbed the older mans hair. The touch set fireworks off in his heart.

“Brimi,” Roger said lovingly. “It’ll happen but good things take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You and I weren’t built in a day. While so many things are out of your control, there’s a lot that you are in control of.”

The blond grazed his hand over Brian’s cock, hoping his husband would pick up on the hint he was dropping. It had been quite a while since they fooled around and Roger knows they both could do with a bit of release. Roger leaned over and peppered kisses along his jaw as he worked his hand over his crotch. Brian kept his hands loosely on Roger’s hips and allowed the blond to take over the kiss.

It had only been a minute or two of snogging with some heavy petting but Roger was rock hard in his briefs. Which is why he was surprised when he fished out the older mans soft cock.

“Want me to use my mouth,” Roger whispered into his mouth.

Brian grabbed both his hands and held them between them. “I don’t think it’s gonna happen,” Brian said quickly. “It’s a bit early.”

Roger removed himself from Brian’s lap and watched as the older man tucked himself back in and head back inside.

“I’m going to take a nap,” Brian said kissing his husbands head. “I’m a bit tired.”

The younger man stood in the garden watching his husband slowly walk to their bedroom, his own cock softening with every step Brian took. Roger didn’t think twice about Brian’s mood, the older man would get sad from time to time like any normal person. Roger let Brian work it out himself, Brian would tend to get crabby is Roger pestered him too much.

Roger just hopes this one won’t last long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian gets worse and Roger deals with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!
> 
> TW: For mentions of depression/ depressed character
> 
> Another shorter chapter, I feel less pressured if I write shorter chapters as opposed to 5k chapters.
> 
> Anyways, please let me know if you like it.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ mother-mercury44
> 
> will proof read in the morning, as always.

**1996**

“Bri,” Roger whispered into Brian’s ear. The older man was still under the covers and Roger was on his way out the door. “There’s fresh fruit cut up in the fridge and a pot of tea on the stove. Make sure you shut it off soon so the house doesn’t burn down.”

Roger waited for a response to come, they usually never came this early in the morning. He got accustom to silence over the last few months. Brian wasn’t ready to talk this early in the morning no matter how much Roger begged him to just say something, anything. 

“I love you, Bri,” Roger said kissing his cheek. “Please call me when you wake up.”

Walking out of the bedroom Roger felt more defeated than he did the day before and the day before that and the day before that. It was different five months ago when Brian’s mood occasionally became cold and distant for a few days. Roger could handle that. They both went to work and work with the nonprofit. Brian cooked dinner and Roger cleaned up. Sometimes Brian went to bed early or spent a whole day in bed, then he was fine. Now, Roger has to make him his food and remind him to eat, no matter how little. He brings Brian into the shower with him. They used to exchange sloppy and wet blowjobs and now Roger spends most of their shower untangling his curls. Brian had quit his job to focus on the non profit. Or so he said.

Roger leaves the house for work everyday letting out a deep breath. He loves his husband. He loves him more than anything but he’s tired and scared. Scared he may never get back the Brian he once had. All of his efforts proved fruitless and left him more exhausted.

Work is the only time Roger doesn’t worry about Brian. The older man will call around noon and they’ll talk on his lunch break. Today, noon came and went with no call. He tried to not let his mind wandered to dark and twisty thoughts but the panic set it.

“Pick up, Bri,” Roger whispered into his phone.

When Brian didn’t answer on the fourth try, he called Freddie and John.

“Hi Deaky,” Roger said nervously. 

“Rog, what’s wrong?”

“I need you or Freddie to run to my house,” Roger swallowed. “I can’t get a hold of Brian. All I’m picturing is the house on fire from the damn kettle I accidentally left on.”

Roger didn’t want to let Deaky know that he’s been taking care of his husband whose going through a rough patch. Roger can deal with it himself.

“No problem,” John answered. “I’ll call you once I’m there.”

“I owe you.”

When John called him back and explained that Brian was alive and the house was still standing, Roger wanted to cry. He felt happy yet sad, relieved yet stressed. 

“I think you should come home,” John said calmly. “Rog, what’s going on with Brian?”

“Nothing.”

“Roger.”

“John, please. Just,” Roger sighed, his eyes welling up with tears. “Can you please stay at the house until I get there?”

“Of course,” John said. “I’ll have Freddie bring over dinner for us.”

Roger hung up his work phone and immediately started sobbing. He didn’t care if his co workers heard him or he looked absolutely mad. He feels an overwhelming amount of emotions and can’t remember the last time he put his own feelings and emotions first. He knows his husband needs him, he just needs a cry first.

-

Arriving home later in the day, Roger felt the nerves kick in. He knew he would have to answer Freddie and John’s questions and he just doesn’t have the answers. He was greet by Freddie and John eating takeaway at the kitchen table. He didn’t have to ask where Brian was, Brian was in bed where he always is. Roger made himself a plate and ate with the other two his complete silence.

“It started five months ago,” Roger explained. He knew they were going to ask anyways. “It started with Fred’s health scare and us not having the funds to buy the plot of woods he wanted. I thought it was a slump or something but he’s getting worse. It’s bigger than the health scare and the woods. We haven’t had sex in five months and I don’t remember the last time he even kissed me.”

The coupled stared wide eye at them, clearly were not expecting to hear those words fall from his mouth. When they didn’t respond, Roger continued.

Continued to tell them about how he’s had to care for Brian these last five months while also running the house and non-profit. How Brian won’t speak long enough for them to chat about what’s going on. How Brian is losing weight and Roger seems to be putting on weight. After he poured his heart out, Roger felt a million times better. He felt like a weight has been listed off his shoulders and he could breathe without his chest hurting.

“Rog,” Freddie said reaching out to grab his hand. “What are you gonna do?”

Roger let out a choked laugh. “I don’t fucking know, Fred,” Roger spat. “Believe it or not I don’t have all the answers.”

The guilt set in quickly and Roger immediately apologized.

“It’s okay, love,” Freddie smiled, squeezing his hand.

“Rog,” John spoke up for the first time. “I think he might be depressed.”

“John,” Freddie shouted.

“I mean, I don’t know but it’s not something we should dismiss,” John explained.

Roger tried to think of everything he knew about depression. It wasn’t much, depression is word that’s whispered and hushed. He’s not a doctor and isn’t one to say if Brian is depressed or just a bit sad. This isn’t black and white.

“He won’t talk to me,” Roger admitted. “How am I supposed to get him help if he won’t even look at me?”

“I don’t know either,” John replied. “But we’ll be here for you and will help how ever we can.”

“We’re a family,” Freddie added. “This isn’t the first hardship and it won’t be the last but you’ll never be alone.”

-

That night Roger crawled into bed and Brian didn’t stir, not that he expected him to. He cuddled up behind Brian and held the older man against his chest and kissed his check sweetly. It’s been so long since of them held each other like this that it didn’t matter than Brian was sound asleep. Brian was like a rag doll in his arms but Roger felt like he’s come home after a long vacation. He always said that Brian’s arms felt like the safest place in the world, he can only hope that Brian feels the same in his arms.

“Let me in,” Roger whispered. “I want to help you, Brian. I want to keep you safe like you’ve always done for me.”

The older man didn’t stir once. It wasn’t long before Roger found himself slightly sobbing into Brian’s back. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger takes care of Brian and Brian returns the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to writing this chapter since I started the outline for this, which sounds so morbid since it's pretty depressing. Maybe it's me projecting but whatever. Mostly based off the interview Brian did speaking about his own depression and when he went for treatment in the US.
> 
> Please leave me a comment if you like it or if you didn't, I appreciate it. Thank you.
> 
> Find me on tumblr mother-mercury44

1996

Well rested is not a feeling Roger is too familiar with these days.

So when Roger woke up feeling well rested, he knew something was wrong. He didn’t wake up half a dozen times to make sure Brian was still in bed with him. He didn’t wake up to Brian’s sleep talking. Most importantly he didn’t wake up to his alarm, even on his days off he likes to wake up early. He has a lot on his plate these days and doesn’t have a moment to waste.

Roger rolled over expecting to be greeted by his sleeping husband, instead the other side of the bed was empty and the sheet was cold to the touch. He shot up out of bed and checked the time, a quarter to noon. He glanced around the room looking for Brian before removing himself from the bed and throwing on his robe and slippers. He made his way through the house, looking in every room for his husband. He’s gotten so used to seeing him in their bed with a blanket over him that Roger almost forgot what he looked like.

_Almost._

Through the patio doors, Roger saw a mop of curls sitting at their table in the garden. He felt a rush of overwhelming feelings, like this was the first time he talked to Brian over 20 years ago. The nerves took over but his adrenaline kept him going until he took a seat next to Brian outside, who was wrapped in a blanket with a cuppa.

“Morning,” Roger said casually, as if he he hasn’t been waiting for his husband to speak to him.

“I saw a plane go by today,” Brian explained pointing to the sky. “Then I saw about three more go by.”

Roger nodded while looking to the sky. He can’t remember the last time Brian spoke more than a few words to him. He’s been waiting and waiting oh so patiently. If the man wants to talk about planes, so be it. 

“I never noticed it but a quite a few planes fly over our house every day,” Roger added to the conversation. 

Brian stared at Roger and the blond felt his heart stop for a moment. The physical effects of this have very clearly taken it’s toll on Brian but he still is just as hopelessly in love with as he was from day one. Brian gave him a weak smile and Roger gave one back. There’s so much more he wants to do. He wants to hold him and he wants to kiss him. For now, he settled for reaching his hand over and placing it on top of Brian’s hand.

“Somebody built that plane,” Brian noted, looking at the sky again.

“Yeah,” Roger said softly. “Lots of schooling with lots of maths and science. I could never do that.”

“Somebody is flying that plane,” Brian said quietly.

“A pilot,” Roger explained.

Brian squeezed his eyes shut tilted his head up to the sky before opening them and looking at Roger. Thick tears fell down his face and all Roger could do is wipe them away before pulling Brian safe in his arms. He always felt that the safest place in the world was in Brian’s arms, he can only hope that Brian feels the same way being held in his arms. Roger ran a soothing hand up and down his back while shushing the older man. It was a few moments before Brian freed himself from Roger’s tight grip and look Roger in the eyes.

“These people wake up and just achieve things,” Brian blankly. “I can’t even get out of bed and make toast. I can’t get in the shower unless you tell me and then move me in there. How are people so in control of their lives that they can build planes and fly planes? I just don’t get it.”

“Bri,” Roger cooed. “You’ve done a lot this is just a bad patch. This doesn’t define who you are. I just need to you to let me in so I can help you through it.”

“I don’t know, Rog. I don’t know what to tell you. I feel paralyzed. I feel as if I’m seeing the world in this dull black and white. Nothing makes me happy but I so badly want it to. I know you make me happy but I just don’t feel it” Brian rambled. “I think I need help. I want help. I want to get better and I can’t put that all on you.”

Roger didn’t know when he started crying but his face was soaked with tears as he squeezed Brian’s hand. There was lots of unspoken words between them. Words of forgiveness for putting Roger through this. Words of forgiveness for not being able to help Brian. Words of love for one another. He could sit here all day with Brian and a teeny tiny part of him wants to do that. He wants to be selfish and have his husband all to himself but Brian doesn’t need that. He needs more.

“Okay,” Roger said calmly. “Let’s get you help.”

-

After a few doctors, Brian was diagnosed with depression and the older man asked to seek help in a treatment center in the US. A private place in Arizona that would allow for him to receive the help he needs in the sunshine. Roger would have preferred for him to pick a place closer to home but this wasn’t his decision. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Brian said as they stood in the airport. “Like really fucking miss you.”

“I want this to fly by and for you to come home quickly but I want you to get better even more,” Roger admitted, linking his hands with Brian’s,

Neither of them cared that they were in a public place where people may look at them. It’s 1995, people are Gay. Get over yourself.

“Thank you for not giving up on me or throwing in the towel,” Brian said as he pulled Roger flushed against his chest. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I’ll always be here, Bri. No matter what,” Roger said taking a deep breath in to memorize his husbands scent. “I love you, Brian. More than anything.”

“I love you,” Brian cooed.

Roger loosened himself from Brian grip and pulled the older man down a bit more so he could kiss him. They hadn’t done more than a bit of snogging since their talk that morning but Roger loved it. He loved the cuddling and kisses. He loved just being near Brian and feeling his heart beat. He loved hearing Brian talk about quite literally anything. He’d gone so long without his husband that Roger was now starved for him.

It was maybe too heated for kiss in an airport but they didn’t care.

They prolonged the goodbye a bit more before Roger had to force Brian to go through security. Part of him being too afraid of dragging Brian back out to the car park and back home. He watched his husband until he was no longer in his field of vision, that’s when he let the tears fall.

-

Roger couldn’t visit Brian so they relied on phone calls and Roger sending him care packages, it was mostly tea and a few newspapers. Of course he slipped in the occasional dirty picture of himself, he couldn't resist. Brian seemed to be doing better as the days went on then some days the depression would take over. Roger spoke to Brian’s therapist and learned about the highs and lows of depression. The unpredictability of it. That it didn’t matter if things were going great, the sun was shining, and live was perfect; the depression could come in full force. He found himself taking notes with each phone call and asking the therapist if there were books he could read. He wanted to learn everything about depression so he could spend the rest of his life helping Brian.

Deaky and Freddie came over for updates on Brian and to make sure that Roger wasn’t lonely. Sometimes the three of them would get on the phone together and Roger could hear Brian’s smile from half way across the world. It felt as if nothing had changed between the four of them, as if one of them weren’t half way across the world. All those were nice enough distractions for what Roger really wanted which was a happy and healthy Brian back home with him.

When Roger got the call that Brian was cleared to home, he cried. He cried the four days he waited for Brian to come home. He cried a bit more on the way over the airport. He sobbed as he ran into Brian’s arm in the middle of the airport, like this is the greatest love story ever, which to themselves they are the greatest love story ever told.

“Look at you,” Roger panted. “All tan and healthy and beautiful. I’m so proud of you.”

Brian smiled into Roger’s shoulder. “I love you, Roggie. Thank you.”

“I love you too,” Roger cooed. “Let’s get you home.”

-  
  
Roger wished things would magically go back to the way they were before but he knew it wasn’t going to work that way. He knew he was being naive and maybe just a bit too hopeful. Things weren’t going to be easy, the team of doctors assured him of that. Some days went fantastic, Brian would get up early, help cook breakfast, and being out in the garden before midday. Other days were rough. Roger would have to help him out of bed and remind him of the good things in his life. He never knew how the day was going to go when he woke up in the morning. He learned to take it day by day and on the bad days he learned to take it hour by hour.

It wasn’t until three months after Brian returned home from treatment that they got the hang of their new lives. With added doctors appointments and free time for Brian to reflect and spend time more time at the farm and with their nonprofit their schedules became a bit more packed. Roger didn’t care he became the breadwinner of their house, Brian took care of him and his finances the start of their relationship. So now it’s his turn. 

One Friday after work, Roger found himself in a scolding hot shower washing away the God awful work week. He was mentally running through the list of things that need to get done this weekend. Brian’s well being had improved immensely over the last few weeks and Roger didn’t want to push and overwhelm him by asking him for help with certain tasks and errands. So now Roger has a never ending list of things to do this weekend.

His thoughts were disrupted when he heard the bathroom door open and a bit of movement coming from outside the shower. He peaked his head out, ignoring the shampoo that was in his eye. He was greeted with a cheeky Brian with pink cheeks sitting on the counter.

“Hi love,” Roger smiled. “I’m nearly done. Everything alright?”

“Perfect,” Brian smiled. “Can I join you?”

Roger loves seeing his lover smile these days, there’s something different in his smile since he’s come home. It’s no longer force to convince Roger he’s okay. He no longer wears it as a mask to get through the day. He smiles cos he wants to, not cos he feels as if he has too. 

He squinted his eyes at Brian, he can’t quite remember the last time Brian asked to join in the shower. Usually he is the one getting Brian up and under the shower spray. The older man promised him he would shower while he was working and now there is a tiny part of Roger that doesn’t believe Brian did that.

“Did you run out of time during the day to shower?” Roger asked casually, not trying to accuse him or make him feel poorly if he didn’t have the energy to shower. 

“No I did,” Brian stated firmly. “Just missed you lots today. Miss showering with you and not just you showering me.”

Brian laughed at himself playfully and Roger joined in. It wasn’t until recently Brian would make playful jokes at his own expense. Roger wasn’t too fond of the idea, he didn’t want the harmless jokes to end up causing more harm than god. But if that’s what Brian needs to cope, Roger’s here for him. 

The blond gestured for Brian to join him before he closed the curtain and went back to rinsing all the shampoo out his hair. He could hear the older man quickly removing his clothes and chuckled to himself at Brian’s eagerness to join him. Roger would be a liar if he didn’t say he was excited to Brian to join him. This is different than getting in the bath or shower with his lover to to wash him, not that Roger would ever complain when it comes to helping his husband. It’s just a nice change in their routine.

The sound of his own thoughts and the running water were loud enough to drown out the shower curtain being pulled open and closed. His eyes were closed as he rinsed the his hair out, so he was a bit surprised when he felt Brian’s chest pressed against his own. He was even more surprised when he felt Brian’s hard cock pressed up against his stomach. His memory failed him on the last time Brian had an erection and the blond suddenly found himself blushing and his own cock twitching in excitement like a virgin.

“That for me?” Roger asked, his eyes were still closed as the last bit of soap was washed out of his hair.

Roger let himself be pulled out from under the spray of the water by Brian and before he could open his eyes, Brian crashed his lips into his own. It wasn’t a kiss they hadn’t shared before but it was a kiss they hadn’t shared in a long time. He almost forgotten how rough Brian can kiss. The older mans tongue slipped into his mouth and Roger knew it was game over for himself. He found himself thrusting up against Brian, who had one hand planted firmly on his hip. Roger felt all the blood rush to his cock and his brain malfunction as Brian pressed him up against the cool tiles of the shower.

The kiss could only last for so long as they both needed to come up for air. Brian had blown pupils and swollen lips as he looked at Roger like it was the first time they kissed all those years ago.

“Yes,” Brian answered, his chest heaving.

“Yes what?”

“It’s for you,” Brian smiled, pressing himself even closer to Roger. “I was looking through old photos and found that blurry one of us from when we first started dating. I was thinking that I must be the luckiest man in the world to have you by my side after all this time. Thinking about the first time we mad love and I just knew I wanted to only do that with you for the rest of my life. I love you, Rog. I’m so bloody taken with you it hurts.”

“I love you,” Roger choked out. “Good to know you still want me after all this time.”

Roger would have started crying right there if it weren’t for Brian grabbing a hold of his cock and slowly stroking it, causing the younger man to whine. Sure they ave exchanged kind and loving words to each other since Brian coming home, but this was different. This was Brian being open and vulnerable first, not Roger initiating it then Brian following. And that made the difference, that made Roger’s heart beat rapidly and his cock twitch.

The older man kept a slow pace, occasionally sliding his thumb over Roger slit to gather his pre-cum. Roger found himself bucking into Brian’s hand and whining for him to go faster.

“So what you got a bit horny and thought you’d come tease me?” Roger moaned. “You planning on picking up the pace or is this death by edging, Bri?”

Brian shook his head and captured Roger’s lips for a chaste kiss before trailing his way down to his neck to suck a bruise onto it. He picked up the pace on his strokes and Roger found himself turning into a whimpering mess.

“No teasing,” Brian laughed. “Just want to take care of you and make you feel good.”

Before Roger could choke out a response, Brian let go of his cock and dropped to his knees and stroked Roger’s cock from a new angle and looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Gonna make you feel good,” Brian growled.

Overwhelmed with love and emotion, Roger closed his eyes and threw his head back. The older man licked a thick stripe from the base of Roger’s cock to tip and then back down. The licking and teasing drove him wild and he was just about to tell the older man to get on with his when he felt a large hand cradle his balls gently. He looked down in time to see Brian taking one into his mouth a sucking gently on it before switching over to the over one. He switched between them while using his free hand to stroke Roger’s cock. 

“Fucking hell,” Roger choked out. His hands found their way to Brian’s curls and pulled them gently. “You look beautiful on your knees with you mouth stuffed.”

Brian moaned with one of Roger’s balls in his mouth and the vibrations nearly sent Roger over the edge. The older man must have sensed he was close and removed himself off Roger’s sack. He immediately swallowed down on Roger’s cock, taking the younger man down to the base. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Roger chanted. “Not gonna last long, Bri.”

Roger pulled gently on Brian’s curls encouraging him to work faster. Roger found himself only capable of moaning and cursing Brian’s name and fuck. He can’t remember the last time he was blessed with the sigh of Brian on his knees, lips stretched around his cock, and big wide eyes nearly crossed as he bobbed his head up and down. He wished he was able to give Brian more of warning other than a final rough thrust and moan before spilling into his mouth. His head back against the shower as he saw white behind his eyes. Brian kept sucking him down his throat through his orgasm and aftershocks. This orgasm hit him like a freight train, he can’t remember the last time he got off with Brian. Sure he’s wanked himself off in the shower but it’s not as fun as having Brian to help him with it.

When he finally came to, he helped Brian to his feet so he could return the favor. It wasn’t until he felt the left over cum on Brian’s hand and saw his softening dick that Roger realized Brian must’ve come at come point.

“Bri, I was gonna help you.”

The older man hid his face in Roger’s shoulders and laughed. “I finished before you did. Got a bit excited having you in my mouth.”

“Oh,” Roger said, trying not to chuckle at his lovers eagerness. “Well thank you, Bri. That was fucking incredible, you might have sucked my brain out cos I’m really at a loss for words right now.”

Roger gently grabbed Brian’s face so he could kiss his husband. There was more he would have loved to say but this kiss would have to do for now until Roger’s brain started working again.

“I’m sorry it’s been a while. My sex drive is pretty low these days and even on the days I want to do something, my cock won’t work with me,” Brian sheepishly admitted. “I was hoping for some shower sex today but I figured neither of us could get that far.”

“We’ll save that for a later date,” Roger smiled, kissing Brian again. “Don’t worry about that, I know it’s not cos you don’t find me sexy anymore. I’m not hurt or upset, we’ll get through it. We always do. Besides we’ve got the rest of our lives together.”

“That we do,” Brian smiled back.

The two playfully laughed and teased as they finished washing each other. Roger knows it’s silly to think of a shower blowjob fixing things, he knows it hasn’t. His husband will always suffer from depression and he’ll always be there for him. But he can’t help but think that right now in the moment, things are going well. He’s learned to take things one good moment at a time. And if tomorrow they wake up and Brian can’t get out of bed, he’ll still be there for him and take the day a moment at a time. No mater how tomorrow turns out, they will get through it.

They always do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian turns 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, you lovely people! Please let me know if you like this chapter, comments are kudos are appreciated as always. hank you for reading <3
> 
> Find me on Tumblr mother-merucry44

  
1997

“I’m so happy I have someone else who is finally over the hill with me,” Freddie smirked before sipping his beer. “Deaky makes me feel awfully old.”

Brian chuckled before raising his glass to cheers with Freddie, the two found themselves in a pub at two in the afternoon on a weekday. It isn't his birthday just yet but Roger had planned a surprise for the two of them for his actual birthday which is how he ended up here with Freddie a few days before his birthday. 

“Not quite there yet,” Brian grinned. “You’re still the only old timer.”

“Oh fuck off,” Freddie laughed. “You’ve been an old man since your early twenties.”

“Well someone has to be the mature one,” Brian added.

The two went back and fourth for a bit teasing each other, it felt good to laugh with his best mate. He hadn’t seen much of friend in the last few years. Well actually he had, just not when he’s been in the right state of mind. Freddie and Deaky have been there helping Roger in anyway they could. Brian wasn’t too keen on the idea of his friends seeing him at his lowest but that’s real life and sometimes real life isn’t all that pretty. Real life is helping your friend of 30 years brush out his curls and taking him out of the house to get some fresh air. Brian is forever grateful for Freddie and Deaky and that they stuck around for both him and Roger. Some of his work friends simply dropped him, simply saying they “don’t understand depression”. Brian doesn’t care he lost them, he has the three most important people in his life still. That’s what counts.

“So have you packed lots of lube for the trip?” Freddie asked casually. “I’m sure Rainbow packed some naughty lingerie to wear.”

“Rainbow? it’s been a good 26 years since we last saw Rainbow,” Brian said. “I’m sure Roger has that all covered, though he did plan a quiet weekend in the country so I’m not sure if that involves kinky sex.”

“Well what else is there to do out there?”

Brian shrugged his shoulders and smirked. The older man is right, Roger’s plans usually involve sex and drinking expensive wine. Their sex life had a few bumps over the last year, bumps being Brian struggling to get hard. While he cursed himself and always apologized, Roger assured him it was fine. He knew his husband wasn’t lying but it still bothered him. Things have gotten better in the sex department, they aren’t back to their crazy sex life yet but they’ll get there.

Brian’s not worried about that for a moment.

A silence fell between them and Freddie leaned in closer and placed a hand over Brian’s. “How have you been, Brimi?”

That always feels like a loaded question these days that Brian just doesn’t know how to answer properly. Everyday is different and his emotions change multiple times throughout the day that Brian struggles to keep up himself.

“Today is a good day,” Brian answered honestly. “Yesterday was awful but I made it through, so cheers to that.”

Freddie smiled from ear to ear like an excited child. “Well let’s cheers to our good day,” Freddie said.

They clinked their glasses together to celebrate their good day and Brian couldn’t help but think they were celebrating their friendship and just how far they’ve come over the years. Roger will forever be the love and light of his life but Freddie will always hold the title of his best mate. Sure they’ve been at each others throats more times than he can count but it’s that brotherly love. Freddie could have dropped him a dozen and half times over the years but he never did. No matter how rough and hard things got, Freddie always stayed. 

“Thank you,” Brian said a bit out of context.

“For what?”

“For staying,” Brian replied.

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, darling.”

-

“This is lovely,” Brian said as he rested his head on Roger’s shoulder.

“It really is,” Roger replied softly. “It’s nice to just get away from it all and relax.”

Brian squeezed Roger’s leg as an apology, he knows he’s a handful these days.

The two sat on the porch swing at the cottage Roger had rented for the weekend. They hadn’t done much today besides unpack and go for a stroll and Brian still found himself exhausted. He was a bit excited when Roger had informed him that he planned nothing else for them to do besides relax and enjoy each others company. He’s not quite sure he could handle multiple hikes and such just yet.

Roger had offer to cook them dinner, Brian had suggested they work together. He doesn’t fancy starving just cos Roger would have burned the food to a crisp if he did it alone. The blond has gotten better at cooking over the years and loves to show off his skills, even if it’s a rotation of four dishes. Brian would gladly eat them for the rest of his life just to see Roger’s satisfied smile. Though he wouldn’t mind if Roger actually helped with the dishes every once in a while. 

They ended their first night with a couple bottles of wine while Roger laid in his arms. Brian likes to think he’s lucky to still be so hopelessly in love with the same person after all these years. The same mop of blond hair resting on his chest. The same stories and jokes. The same stupid fights. Brian wouldn’t trade this for anything.

“You’re being quiet,” Roger said, turning his head to look up at him.

Those big blue eyes still make him weak in the knees. He still feels like a food for not noticing that Rainbow had the same eyes. 

“I was thinking about this stripper that gave me a blowie years ago,” Brian teased. “This was before I met you so don’t be getting jealous.”  
  
Roger turned himself around and face him, the blond had the cheekiest grin plastered on his face. Brian’s cock took immediate interest in the situation.

“Must’ve been some blowie if you’re still thinking about it,” Roger purred, palming the older mans cock. 

Brian swallowed thickly as a moaned escaped his lips. “A right beauty,” Brian added. “Big blue eyes that looked so terribly innocent while he took my cock to the back of his throat. Looked like he was made to be on his knees between my legs, mouth stuffed with my cock.”

“Sounds pretty hot,” Roger innocently.  
  
“You remind me of him,” Brian said.

A look flashed across Roger's face and Brian couldn’t tell what was going through the younger mans mind but choose to ignore it and focus on their erections first.

Brian let Roger tease him over his trousers before both men grew impatient and fished their own cocks out. Brian spit on his hand before he took them both into his hands and stroked them quickly. Roger didn’t seem to mind as he quickly bucked into Brian’s hand. Neither of them lasted long, it would have been embarrassing if it wasn’t for their current sex life. Or lack of a sex life. Brian came with Roger’s name on his lips, the only way he ever wants to come. Roger moaned Brian’s name before painting Brian’s hand white. 

“Happy 50th birthday, Bri,” Roger panted as they came down from their orgasms. “I was hoping to come with you inside me but that worked too.”

“Maybe one of these days we’ll stop being horny teenage boys and make it to sex,” Brian joked back. 

“I quite like sitting in your lap while he wank each other off,” Roger smiled. “Makes me feel young.” 

Brian stroked his thumb across Roger’s face in awe before they decided it was time to clean up and head to bed.

The rest of the trip was perfect. Brian felt relaxed and Roger looked relaxed for the first time in a long time. They made love on nearly every surface in the cottage. It may have been the complete and utter relaxation or it may have been that the universe was threw them the bone they needed, no matter the cause Brian was pleased. His sex drive and cock worked together all weekend. The real birthday gift was his husband thrusting into him every time they had sex. Most importantly, Brian felt reconnected to his husband. It was almost as if they fell in love all over again, not that either of them stopped loving each other for a moment. But it’s no secret that things have been tough and certain aspects of their relationship have suffered. Brian thinks this weekend brought them back together, there wasn’t any of their normal stressors. Just the two of them together, very naked and very much in love.

Sunday night when they arrived back home, Brian and Roger unpacked their bags together and Brian held up a lingerie in front of Roger with a frown. Roger used to dress up in lingerie a lot more in their relationship but so much in the past few years. He missed the way the lace clings to his skin and hugs him in all the right places. His favorite being the way the panties hug his arse. The colors always compliment his creamy skin tone.

“I forgot I packed it,” Roger said casually as he took it from Brian and tossed it in the hamper. 

“Fred joked about Rainbow coming out on our little holiday,” Brian laughed to himself. “Told him he was ridiculous.”  
  
The conversation died almost immediately after it started. Brian didn’t think much of it, the weekend had exhausted them and Roger was due back at work in the morning. He kissed his husbands head before walking to the bathroom, missing the hurt look on Roger’s face.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger turns 50 and Rainbow returns for an evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, his chapter took me forever and I really really like it. I hope you do too! :)

1999

It has to be the fitting room mirror, Roger tries to convince himself. He doesn’t look like this at home. At least he thinks he looks better when looking in the mirrors at home. Or maybe his age has shown a bit more over the last few days as his 50th birthday comes closer.

 _50 fucking years old_ and he knows he looks very much like he is 50 years old. His stomach has gotten slightly pudgy which reminds him all too much of the old men who came into the clubs he worked at over 20 years ago. The wrinkles and crinkles seemed to have shown up out of no where. His hair is becoming thinner. He didn’t look like this three or four years ago, he’s definitely aged more in the last few years than he has in his entire life. Between a husband fighting depression, working with the non-profit, and going to his actual job, Roger doesn’t know the last time he fully thought about himself. He used to rely on Brian to cook their meals and now it’s whatever can be put together in 15 minutes or some type of takeaway. Not to mention the last time he did any type of exercise was most likely over a decade ago. And no he doesn’t count running around like a mad man as exercise. He’s not too sure what is going on with his hair, Freddie has been dying to cut it for him and Roger might just give in and let him do it. 

So maybe the reflection in the mirror is who he really is. A 50 year old man who has let himself go. The shirt he had tried on was a bit too tight and hugging him in all the wrong places, making Roger servery uncomfortable in how own skin.

“You doing alright in there,” Deaky asked from out the changing room. 

Roger stuck his arm out and gave a the younger lad a thumbs up, even though everything was far from alright in here. A downright thumbs down actually.

“Let me see,” Deaky shouted cheerfully.

“I already took it off,” Roger replied, quickly removing the shirt. 

He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when the shirt was off. Maybe it wasn’t the mirror and just the shirt itself. 

“Well hurry up,” John teased. “I want to stop at that one shop run by those two gay lads Freddie told me about. They have tons of lingerie and we could both probably do with some new ones.”

Roger heard lingerie and immediately thought back to Brian’s comments a few year prior about him looking nothing like Rainbow and the frown on his face when he pulled out Roger’s lingerie from the suitcase. His days of climbing on a pole had ended decades ago but dressing up in naughty panties for his husband is something he used to love doing quite often. Their sex life had come to pause for a bit and had a slow start once they hit unpause on it. Roger was looking forward to wearing the new ass less panties for his husband’s 50th but apparently his husband doesn’t fancy seeing that anymore.   
  
Maybe they are getting too old for it.

“I don’t really need any more lingerie but I’ll look at their lube selection,” Roger said casually.

Roger dressed quickly back into his clothes and was met with Deaky who had one eyebrow raised at the blond.

“You don’t need anymore lingerie? Bullshit,” Deaky laughed. “Come on, my treat.”

Deaky dragged him out of the shop after he finished paying and drove them to the shop Freddie had told them about. It was tucked away with the entrance located in the back alleyway. The outside had no sign or any give away of what maybe on the inside. Roger wasn’t even sure if they were at the right shop until they walked into the shop. Black and red velvet walls lined with sex toys, clothes, and just about anything else that could fill someones naughtiest desires. He and John looked like a pair of school boys, giggling at the sight of the monstrous dildos and stared wide eye at the BDSM side of the shop.

“Hello sweeties,” a man many years their junior with name tag Princess greeted them. “How can I help satisfy your needs today?”

“Looking for some lingerie to surprise out husbands with,” Deaky said smiling. “Roger here is turning 50 in a few days and he needs something to celebrate.”

Roger glared at the younger man for mentioning his age, Princess could probably tell he was an old man but still. 

“There’s no way a fine man like you turning 50,” Princess replied sweetly, clearly too good at what he does for a living. “I would have said 28 but you sir are some fine wine. Follow me this way, sweeties.”

Roger blushed as princess led the two of them to a corner of the store with multiple racks of lingerie and costumes. Princess told them he’ll be at the front if they need anything else and Roger had to admit he was happy Princess left. The younger man was great and all but Roger might have actually died if Princess stuck around while he and Deaky talked about what lingerie they like. Roger doesn’t need to subject Princess to wondering what Roger’s aging body might look like wear a lacy thong.

The two browsed on their own, occasionally asking for each others opinions on something. Roger found a few things he liked and that he thought would look good on his aging body. There were a few items he would have bought when he was in his 20’s and in shape, but he kept those on the rack. 

“You barely picked out any,” Deaky frowned when they compared their stacks.

Roger noticed the younger man had picked out a few styles that he likes but didn’t grab for himself. “Eh didn’t find much I like,” Roger lied.

Deaky raised yet another eyebrow at him.

“I’m serious,” Roger lied again. “My style has changed.”

He knows all too well that Deaky didn’t believe him but the younger man dropped it as Princess checked them out and wished them luck as they walked out the door. Roger wanted nothing more than to go home and try these pieces on alone but he had promised to spend the whole day with Deaky while Brian was at the farm. 

That’s how he ended up at Freddie and Deaky’s house having a naughty fashion show with his best mate. Deaky had offered to go first when Roger hesitated and the blond couldn’t be more grateful. He sat on the edge on the bed, twiddling his thumbs waiting for Deaky to come out. The younger man quickly came out of the bathroom in a light blue teddy with matching light blue panties. Deaky looked absolutely stunning striking a silly pose before doing a twirl.

“So do we like it?”

“You look like a bloody angel,” Roger said in complete awe.

Roger found himself envious of how effortlessly beautiful the younger man is and how fit he is. He can’t help but think Brian must be jealous of Freddie for having this complete and utter Angel and Brian is stuck with a pudgy old man.

“You really think so,” Deaky asked almost like a child. “I’m not too sure if it’s flattering on the hips. I feel like the elastic is cutting of circulation.” Deaky grabbed at the skin on hips for emphasis.

Roger hadn’t noticed when he walked out or as Deaky pinched and pulled at his own skin. The younger man continued to pick out things he didn’t like about himself, absolutely blowing Roger’s mind.

“Deaks,” Roger interrupted. He walked over to the younger man and placed gentle hand son his shoulders. “Are you mad? God you are stunning, what’s brought this on?”

Deaky brushed Roger’s hands off his shoulders and Roger watched as he grabbed his dressing gown. “It’s stupid,” Deaky said taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “I tried to put on lingerie from a few years ago and I ripped the lace with my arse.”

The younger man didn’t reach his eyes, crushing Roger’s heart. Deaky’s never one to build his own confidence, constantly relying on Roger. That was until he and Freddie met. Roger quickly and swiftly sat on the edge of the bed with Deaky, he didn’t know exactly what words to a say to help rid the negative thoughts in his best minds. Thoughts he is all too familiar with. 

“Deaky,” Roger said softly. “I think you look amazing. I mean neither of us are the young and fit young men we used to be way way back in the day.”

Just as he turned to face the younger man and shower him with love, Deaky burst into a fit of giggles. The whole situation looked a bit ridiculous, Roger was fully clothed next to his best mate who was wearing lingerie while going through a mixture of emotions.

“I sat on his lap and the lace just,” Deaky said between giggles while making a rip gestured with his two hands. “I was so embarrassed, I wanted to hide under a rock. But Freddie just ripped it off completely and never once made a comment about it ripping after. I was so nervous he was going comment about me putting on a bit of weight over the last few years but he just went mad with lust instead.”

Roger couldn’t hide the confusion plastered across his face if he tried. “So you’re not insecure?”

Deaky got up from the bed and checked himself out in the mirror. “I was for a moment and maybe even for a few days,” Deaky admitted. “I thought Freddie was having these nasty thoughts about me and he was hiding it. Cos I was thinking some nasty things about myself, even though Freddie has been showering me kisses and love. It wasn’t until now I realized that after being together for 26 years, I don’t think he would lie to me now about my body. He admitted he hated the perm with a passion and told me every day for a few years.”

“I also just told you how bloody amazing you look right now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Deaky said, playfully dismissing the older man. “Come on, up you and change into something sexy.”

While Roger would have rather jumped out the window and make a run for it, he knew he wasn’t going to get away without not trying at least one piece on. He picked a piece with the most coverage and playfully shoved Deaky on his way to the bathroom. He undressed and dressed all without looking in the mirror, only allowing himself to give one look before he could chicken out and throw his clothes back on. Not much had change from the reflection of the shirt that didn’t fit him in the shop earlier today. He’s still a pudgy 50 year old man just now he’s a pudgy 50 year old man in lingerie.

With a deep breath and ‘let’s do this’, Roger exited the bathroom and was greeted by Deaky, who had changed into another piece. This time it was a red and lacy pair of panties with a matching garter. He looked like something out of a sinful magazine.

“Fucking hell, Rog,” Deaky grinned. “You’ve been hiding that under those old man jumpers?”

Roger’s cheeks flushed with shame and he nearly crossed his arms over his chest and ran back to change. That was until Deaky grabbed him by the arm and made him twirl in a circle a few time.

“So it’s not terrible?”

Deaky shook his head no. “The black lace compliments your skin tone in such a pretty way,” Deaky cooed. “And your arse is like a bloody dream, I’ve always been jealous of it. You are a bloody vision and how Brian lets you walk around with any clothes on is beyond me.” 

Roger blushed as he was flooded with compliments. It’s not that Brian doesn’t say kind and loving things to him, he does. Every single day and everything single night. His husband means every word he says but after hearing it for 26 years, Roger is starting to think his husband may just be on auto pilot. That he says these things cos he’s supposed to say it. 

Having Deaky shower him with compliments is different. 

“Come on,” Deaky said pulling them both in front of the full length mirror. “Look at us. Nearly 50 and still bloody fucking gorgeous.”

Before Roger had the chance to think out loud and say some negative thought about himself to Deaky, the younger man pinched his bum and went over to the rest of the sets he bought. Leaving Roger alone with his reflection. A reflection he hasn’t seen with such a long time. A reflection that made him want to turn around and stare at his own arse. Maybe it was a crazy combination of the perfect baby doll, the mirror itself, or Deaky’s kind words, but Roger saw something different; A reflection for the first time in long time he liked. 

“Should we try on another,” Deaky asked from the other side of the room.

Roger looked away from his reflection and smiled at his best mate like an excited child. “Oh we’re doing them all.”

-

Turning 50 wasn’t as scary as Roger thought it would be. Brian made reservations at his favorite place to eat and showered him with love and kisses throughout the day. Brian had gifted him a few photo albums of pictures throughout the years, some of which he has never seen. Making him fall even more in love with his husband after all this time. The night ended how most of their nights have ended in the last 20 something years, at a pub with Freddie and Deaky on the verge of being kicked out. Out of all the things that have changed throughout the years, Roger is forever grateful that the four of them have remained friends. That much hasn’t changed over the years and he’s okay with that. 

His favorite part of his birthday was when him and Brian stumbled into their home like a pair of drunk teenagers, holding hands and stealing kisses from one another. The two stumbled through the halls and knocked a picture or two off the wall as they made their way to the bedroom. Brian’s hard cock grazed against his own and the two shared sinful smiles with one another. The manged to completely strip of all clothes before entering the bedroom, leaving a Hansel and Gretel trail to their bedroom. 

“Have a good birthday love?” Brian whispered into his mouth. 

“Absolutely perfect,” Roger whispered back as the two of them fell the bed. “Thank you for always making them perfect. I love you, Bri.”

“Fucking love you, Rog.”

Roger let Brian take charge of the kiss and the older man rolled them over so Roger was below Brian. The blond can’t remember intimacy like this came so natural to them. It’s either Brian isn’t in the mood and Roger has an aching hard on or Roger’s exhausted and Brian wants to snog like teenagers. The two haven’t been on sync over the last few years and it’s been a while since Brian took charge in the bedroom like this.

After what felt like hours of snogging, Roger pulled for some air. He was greeted with what had to be the most beautiful sight. A sight he’s been blessed to see for the last 26 years. Brian has aged like some fine wine and is still as beautiful as ever. 

“You’re staring,” Brian panted with a smile. “Like what you see?”

“Always do,” Roger smirked.

“That makes two of us then,” Brian said, leaning down for one more kiss. “You are just as beautiful as the day we met, Rog. I’m still quite convinced you're an Angel. You are still sex on legs and I can’t believe you still want me.”

One of the things that will always drive Roger crazy is Brian not knowing about beautiful of a person he is, inside and out. He’s never been to hide his insecurities or get over them. No matter how many times Roger has tried to build him up over the years. Roger’s never been one to be insecure about his looks, at least until a few years ago on Brian’s 50th. He hates it too. 

Between Brian’s praise and the alcohol, Roger felt a bit brave and decided that he could do something for his husband and for himself. Even if he’s a nervous wreck and feels way too open and vulnerable. 

“Bri,” Roger chuckled as Brian nibbled on his neck. “I have something for you for my birthday?”

Brian pulled a funny face. “I don’t think that makes sense.”

Roger kissed his husband once before rolling out from under him and making a run for the bathroom before he could change his mind. The last time he changed into lingerie this quickly was between sets when he worked at the clubs all those years ago. He put on the black baby doll with matching panties, if Deaky loved it then Brian would too. He didn’t allow himself to look in the mirror before walking out, his husband already unknowingly gave him all the confidence he needs for this.

With a deep breath, Roger opened the door to bedroom and saw his husband waiting at the edge of the bed. Their eyes met each other and Roger struck a sinful pose in the doorway.

“Hello there,” Brian swallowed thickly. “You look like a dream, Rog.”

Roger shook his finger at Brian and tsked. “The name is Rainbow, love.”

“Then I’d like a dance,” Brian said, his breathing had picked up and his eyes went wide with lust. “Come here, Rainbow.”

Brian beckoned him with a finger and Roger sauntered over, swaying his hips back and fourth. Roger turned his back to Brian and swayed his hips a bit, there was no music so he hummed a tune to himself. Moving his hands up and down his sides before dropping them down to his thigh. Bending over just enough to shake his arse at Brian. Brian let out a growl, Roger knew he was feeling aroused already. He stayed like that for a bit before turning to face Brian. He pulled apart Brian’s legs, dropping down between them, his hands running up and down Brian’s body.

“Tell me about yourself,” Roger asked him. “What’s your name?”

Plopping down to straddle Brian’s lap, making intense eye contact with his lover. Eye contact that brought him back to the first time he did this. Roger wasn’t sure if they were role playing as their 20 year old selves or present day, either one had him straining in his panties.  
  
“You may call me Dr. May,” Brian smirked. “I have this amazing life that I probably don’t deserve. It’s even better now that I have a beautiful Rainbow in me lap.”

“Mhm a Doctor, that’s hot” Roger moaned as if he hasn’t spent the last twenty something years moaning Dr. May in bed. 

Brian threw his head back as Roger nibbled his ear. “It can be exhausting.”

“Let me help you relax, Doctors need to be taken care of too!” Roger exclaimed.

Roger ran his hands through his curls and started to grind his arse down onto Brian’s hard on. The lace rubbed against his cock and arse while grinding down on his lovers thick cock. Making Roger moaned wantonly. 

“Love the sounds you make, bloody beautiful. Look so pretty on my lap. A pretty little rainbow.” Brian said pulling Roger’s hair.

Roger wrapped his arms around Brain’s shoulders. “What would you like me to do?” He said sticking his tongue out through his teeth.

Brian looked at him like he was meal. “What can you do?” Brian asked timidly.

Roger said slid off the couch and knelt between Brian’s legs and looked up at him, batting his eyelashes. The blond stroked his cock a few times, licking a stripe up from the base. Brian stroked the side of his face and Roger started taking him in his mouth. He let out a few loud moans as Roger hallowed his cheeks, taking him all the way down. He nose resting against Brian’s dark pubic hair. Taking in his husbands musky sent, the smell making his eyes roll back. 

“Fuck Rainbow, my cock feels so good. So nice in your warm and wet mouth.” Brian stated as Roger worked his way up down his length. “Gonna have to keep you around to warm my cock and keep me relaxed.”

Brian continued to babble praise about Roger’s cock sucking skills. The words were getting lost on Roger’s mind, his only focus was pleasing Brian. Roger picked up the pace, something about Brian praising Roger while rainbow sucked his cock made Roger crazy. He popped off Brian’s cock, getting a whimper from Brian.

“Best cocksucker you’ve ever had?” Roger asked almost innocently, if it weren’t for the drool and cum around his mouth. He palmed his own erection waiting for Brian to answer.

“You made for me,” Brian panted, stroking Roger’s cheek. “Made for me to take care of you.”

“Don’t get sweet on me now Doctor,” Roger teased.

Brian placed his hands on the back of Roger’s head, guiding him to his cock, and began to thrust in faster. Roger had tears streaming out of his eyes and he couldn’t stop moaning around Brian’s cock. He never got off on being used like this, until he met Brian. Brian who has made him feel safe in this position from the first time they did this at the club. Brian made him feel dirty and loved.

“Gonna come rainbow. Where do you want me to come?” Brian asked almost sweetly.

Roger moaned to let him know to paint his mouth white.

Brian came a few seconds later, cock buried in Roger’s throat. Coming long hot spurts down his throat. He thrusted a few more times before pulling out. Roger let himself be pulled into Brian’s lap. He swallowed all of Brian’s come and stuck his tongue out to prove to the him it was all gone.

“Good job, beautiful,” Brian said sweetly, kissing his husband as if the universe depended on it. “Let me stroke your gorgeous cock, baby.”

Brian fished Roger’s cock out of his panties and wanked him off for no more than a minute before Roger was spilling into Brian’s hand, throwing his head back and as he came. Brian put his come covered hand up to his lips, eating Roger’s come until his hand was clean.

Hazel eyes stared at blue eyes intensely.

“That was,” Brian panted. “Wow. Happy birthday to you.”

“I was hoping to ride you or get on all fours,” Roger sheepishly admitted. “But this worked too.”

“If you keep wearing these baby dolls and panties,” Brian panted. “I’m not going to be able to control myself around you.”

Roger smiled weakly. He could feel the tears welling up his in eyes as he looked to the ceiling to avoid his husband seeing. Crying in lingerie with his cock out wasn’t planned for tonight, but here he is.

“Hey, now,” Brian said gently pulling his chin down. “What’s wrong, love? I don’t like seeing you cry”

The blond the let older man wipe away his tears before kissing him gently, as if Brian was afraid he would break. It took a few minutes before Roger felt like he could speak without breaking into tears. Which seems rather silly since he spent the last few years helping Brian at his most vulnerable. He knows his lover wouldn’t mind if he unleashed a waterfall of tears.

“You really like seeing me dressed up still?”

“Of course,” Brian said quickly. “Rog, I love you in anything. You’re absolutely perfect. You manage to be both sinful and beautiful at the same time. What’s brought this on?”

“Well I’ve gotten fat and old,” Roger huffed out. The tears and sadness replaced with anger and irritation, mostly at himself. “I seem to have aged 15 years over the last three. Not to mention you made a comment a few years ago about me not looking like rainbow anymore. Pulled a disgusted face when you found out I packed lingerie for your 50th. I haven’t had very much time to workout or take care of myself lately.”

Maybe a little anger and irritation towards Brian too. He didn’t mean for the last part to come out so spiteful and he didn’t miss the look on Brian’s face.

“Hold on, Rog,” Brian said firmly, placing two hands on Roger’s shoulders. “We’ve both have gotten older, cos that’s just how life work. You don’t need to be so negative towards yourself. Fat? Absolutely not. Everyone puts on weight, again that’s life. I would never say anything to make you feel that way about yourself cs I don’t feel that way about you. I don’t remember pulling a face but I would never say no to you dressing up for me love. I’m so so sorry I’ve made you feel this way. I didn’t know.”

Roger let the older man hug him tightly, he only resisted for a moment before giving into him. He never really has been one to stay mad at Brian for longer than a moment. Brian kissed his head repeatedly, melting Roger further and further into his arms. Neither of them minded that both their cocks were out or the sticky mess between them.

“Roger,” Brian said with kiss to his head before looking him in the eyes. “I could never put into words or actions just how incredibly grateful I am for you and everything you have done for me over the last few years. You could have taken one look and said ‘no thank you’. But you stayed and helped me get better, putting everything in your life aside. I’m going to spend the rest of my life taking care of you and making this up to you. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you and your complete selflessness. You are incredible, Rog. I love you. And I’m going to show you every single day just how much I mean every word I said.”

The older man pulled him in for a hug, leaving no room for Roger to say anything back. Not that he needs to respond. His lover said everything he’s been needing to hear and he knows all too well Brian isn’t expecting a response.   
  
The clean up process is always as intimate as the sex act itself. Both men using wet cloths to clean each other up and helping each other change into clean clothes before climbing into bed together. The two men seemed to have sober up at some point and Roger felt a pang of emotions hit him as Brian wrapped an arm around him from behind. Maybe it was the partially due to recreating their first sex act. Maybe it was partially due to things in their lives calming down after the last few years of struggles of hardships. Maybe it’s all the work he’s been doing to make sure things stay afloat has paid off. Maybe it was Brian still loving in lingerie after Roger spent the last few years thinking Brian would never want to see him in panties again. Maybe it’s all those reasons wrapped up in one box and given to him on his 50th birthday.

Roger felt his heart rate pick up speed and in the same breath Brian tightened his squeeze around Roger. A lot has changed over the years, but Roger will still stand his ground and say that Brian’s arms are the safest place in the world.

“Bri,” Roger whispered.  
  
“Yes love,” Brian mumbled into his blond hair.

“Thank you. And I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate everyone who is still reading, the kudos, and the comments. Makes me so happy. Love you all. :')


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Brian celebrate 30 years together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fluffy filler chapter that wasn't planned but I love it so I'm keeping it.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr @ mother-mercury44

2003

It’s probably a silly idea, but Roger didn’t care. It’s a huge milestone for all four of them and it is something that should be celebrated. It’s not just Brian and Roger’s 30th anniversary, it’s Freddie and Deaky’s 30th too. As well as the 30th anniversary of them all becoming one big family.

Roger doesn’t know many people who have lasted this long. Before Brian, Roger never thought he would ever love someone for this long. So of course he’s throwing an over top the party to celebrate that. Secretly sprinkling in celebrating Brian returning to work for the first time in years. The older man has been working with the nonprofit and spending most of his time there, but recently picked up a job as a researcher. The job allows him to work mostly alone with very few deadlines he has to meet. The perfect job for Brian right now. 

It warms Roger’s heart seeing Brian look so happy and healthy again. 

The blond walked into the living room, with a bottle of Champagne he really couldn't afford, but it’s Freddie’s favorite and today is a celebration. The three other men were all seated on the rug chatting away about their respective work days. 

“Oh thank God, darling. I’m in need of a drink,” Freddie said reaching his hands out for the bottle. 

Deaky pulled his arms down and kissed his cheek. “Patience, love.”

Roger poured their glasses and remained standing, Brian raising a curious eyebrow at him.

“I would like to make a toast,” Roger smiled. “To us.”

“Oh you bloody sap,” Freddie teased.

“Fred,” Brian warned playfully.

“The four of us have been best mates for 30 years,” Roger explained. “30 years ago I found a home and family with you three. And I could never thank you three for giving that to me, even if you all drive me mad from time to time. I wouldn’t change any of the last 30 years for the world. So, to us.”

The four of them raised their glasses together.

“And for Brian returning back to work,” Roger quickly added. “Cheers.”

Roger caught the kiss that Brian blew to him from his place on the floor and blew one right back before taking a sip from his glass. Deaky and Freddie shared a not so chaste kiss with each other after their cheers too.

The night went on and the four of them polished off two bottles of champagne before switching to the beer left in the fridge. They swapped their favorite memories over the years and bought up each others embarrassing moments. It doesn’t feel as if 30 years have passed, but here they are telling stories that are 30 years old. 

Roger sat on the floor between Brian’s legs, wrapped up in Brian’s strong arms. While Deaky had his head resting on Freddie’s lap while the older man stroked his hair. The beer ran out but they were still all pleasantly buzzed.

“So Rog,” Freddie said with a shit eating grin. “What was the plan with the love triangle between you, Brian, and Rainbow?”

Brian protectively kissed the top of his head and Roger wiggled his way to sit up a bit straighter.

“You love bringing up Rainbow, don’t you? Honestly,” Roger said with a nervous chuckle. “I was going to tell him, I just didn’t have a bloody clue how to do so. I mean how would go about that? I’m actually the stripper you’ve been over tipping and the person you are sort of dating? Not sure how that would have went down.”

Freddie looked as if he was thinking about it himself.

“You tit,” Brian joked, tossing a pillow at Freddie’s head. “You know I hate when you bring this up. Not because Roger used to be a dancer but because I was completely blind and didn’t put two and two together.”

Roger turned around and gave his husband a kiss. “Don’t beat your self up over it,” Roger grinned. 

The blond stared at Brian, completely lost in those big brown eyes. Things have been going so well for them over the last few years that Roger some times pinches himself to double check that he’s awake. Roger wouldn’t take back one second of the last 30 years. Sure it was Hell at times and Roger didn’t sleep for a few years, but every single second was amazing cos he spent it with Brian. He couldn’t have made it through the worst of times without Freddie and Deaky by his side. Roger never thought there was a person on this planet worthy of Deaky, then Freddie strolled into their lives and Roger was proven wrong. Freddie truly is a great addition to his life. 

“I’m just a little upset I never received a lap dance from Rainbow himself. I’m missed out,” Freddie faked pouted

And to quote Brian, sometimes Freddie is an utter tit.

“Maybe one day,” Roger explained. “If you behave.”

The two went back and fourth teasing each other knowing full well their was no lap dance in from Rainbow in Freddie’s future. Their friendship has always been strictly platonic, Deaky and Brian have even joked they are platonic soulmates. Roger agrees with that. Ever since the early days of their friendship when Freddie invited him to work at his stall. He misses the days of being two naughty boys who would scam the wealthy into buying complete garbage. 

The joking between the four of them went for ages and none of them were sick of hearing the same jokes for the last 30 years.

“Alright,” John said. The youngest one started to laugh with a mouth full of beer, nearly spitting it out. “It’s getting late, we should head home. And maybe if you’re good, I’ll give you a lap dance.”

The two nearly sprinted out the door, leaving Brian and Roger snuggling on the living room floor in front of the telly. Any other night, Roger would have suggested they move to bedroom. Neither of them are in their prime anymore and Roger doesn’t fancy waking up with an aching back from laying on the floor. But Brian went out of his way to make a bed of blankets for them and Roger loves seeing his husband smile. He’d lasso some stars out of the sky just to see Brian smile.

“This will never get old,” Brian said into Roger’s hair. The older man was snuggled up from behind, the two of them holding hands.

“Mhm?”

“It’s been 30 years of ending our nights like this,” Brian said sleepily. “And every time feels like the first time. I’m a lucky man.”

Roger caught himself smiling like a school boy. 

It wasn’t a minute later before he heard Brian snoring softly behind him. Which didn’t surprise in the slightest, Brian’s always been able to fall asleep with out a single problem. If there is anything Roger has learned in the last 30 years, it’s that the snoring will only get louder from here and he has a few minutes before it’s too loud for him to sleep. He’s always been one to try to fall asleep before Brian, a plan that rarely works. While that use to annoy the Roger to no extent, it’s just another reminder that the love of his life in here in bed with him.

Even if it means he might get a shit sleep tonight.

-

Roger’s eyes went wide the moment he saw Brian walk into the kitchen with a box. The two had promised each other no gifts for their 30th anniversary. For no reason other than they have just about everything they could ever need or ask for. They’ve exchanged small and big gifts. And also sentimental and gag gifts. 30 years of gift giving has burned Roger out. What do you gift the person who has given you everything just by being in your life? 

“Brian,” Roger sighed.

“It’s not a gift for you,” Brian said quickly. “It’s a gift for us. Well, more like a project for us.”

Brian sat the box on the counter in front of the two of them and Roger stood on his toes to peak inside. Inside the box there were an abundance of envelopes of developed film, the older man must have done this behind his back, and photos the two men have taken over the last 30 years. Roger gently moved the photos around the skim over them, instantly bringing back the memories that have slipped to the back of his mind over the years.

Roger picked up a photo that was roughly 25 years old. It was the two of them in their first home together, painting the kitchen. He remembers feeling so old and mature that day, looking back now he sees an over sized child holding a paintbrush. The kitchen was a mess of paint and so were their faces, mostly Brian’s. Deaky took the photo while Freddie was out getting more beer. The day was both so exciting and exhausting, it marked the start of their first home renovations and Roger can’t believe he forgot about the memory until now.

“You kept putting your paint brush on my face,” Brian smiled, looking at the photo in Roger’s hand.

“I did not,” Roger blushed. 

“You did,” Brian explained. “You said the color suited me quite well. It was a lovely day, even if the paint didn’t wash off immediately.”

Roger smiled up at the older man who leaned down to meet him halfway for a kiss. He doesn’t remember covering the older man in paint but he’s positive the older man is right. Sounds like something he would do to both annoy Brian and show him how much he loves him. 

They parted from the kiss and Roger smiled at Brian’s smile.

“I bought photo albums, scrapbooks, and some scrapbook materials,” Brian explained. “I figured we could put the photos in order and write down little memories we never want to forget. Might take a while but I thought it would be a fun project for us to do together.”

“I like that a lot, Bri. 30 years of photos may take more than a weekend,” Roger smirked.

“Well it’s a good thing we have the rest of our lives then.”

It took more than the weekend. 

It took many weekends actually. Not that either of them minded. They came across photos that made them smile and cry happy tears. Photos from their wedding that made Roger so happy he wanted to marry Brian again right then and there. Photos of all their dogs over the years. It’s been a while since they’ve adopted any dogs, most of their time has been spent with non profit and focusing of the animal rescue there. They came across photos that brought back painful memories from when Brian was in the hospital all those years ago. Anytime the older man was up, he insisted on taking photos. Roger remembers being unable to eat or sleep, he sat at Brian’s side. Holding the older mans hand until they kicked him out. He remembers sobbing silently while Brian was sleeping, not knowing if his lover was going to make it through the night. Not every photo came with a memory for Roger, that’s when Brian came in and said his own memory that was attached to the photo. And Roger helped him when the roles were reversed. 

“I don’t know what we’re gonna do with all our free time now that we’re done with this project,” Roger said as he aimlessly flipped through one of the albums. 

“I guess we’ll just have to take more photos to fill up a few more albums.” Brian replied.

Roger didn’t have a moment to look up before he heard the sound of the camera clicking. The older man still insist on using his Polaroid camera he’s had for many years now. He made a mental note to buy the older man a digital camera.

“That’s a lovely one,” Brian smiled, as he watched the photo develop. “Absolutely stunning photo, that’s all because I’ve been blessed with you as a model all these years.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger celebrates another accomplishment as he nears 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! :)
> 
> I am back with another chapter and am fully aware the Roger didn't get his honorary doctorates in 2009 but for the sake of the time line I need that's what we are going to pretend.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ mother-mercury44

2009

If someone would have told 24 year old Roger that nearly 60 year old him would be married to his former TA, on his way to receive his Doctorate’s in Biology, and just unbelievably happy, he would have laughed in their face before falling to ground cackling. He wouldn’t even have been able to call them delusional between the laughter and tears. The life Roger has built over the last 36 years, is a life Roger never thought was possible.

A life he thought he never deserved. 

But somehow against all the odds, here he is living this fairly tale life with Brian. 

As if Brian could read his mind, the older man squeezed his hand as they drove down the empty road to his graduation ceremony. Roger looked over at his husband and he swore his heart skipped an actual beat. They’ve each changed a great deal over the last 36 years, but Brian has stayed just as beautiful as day one. His hair has gotten a bit darker with just the teeny tiniest strands of gray hair starting to come it. The older man hasn’t changed his hairstyle and fashion choices over the years, still rocking the long curls and unbuttoned blouses. Not that Roger is complaining, he loves running his hands through those curls and staring at his husbands exposed chest. His face shows signs of age in the most beautiful way imaginable. The older man aged like fine wine and Roger loves to indulge often.

“You’re staring,” Brian teased, not taking his eyes off the road. “I can feel those eyes on me.”

Roger leaned over the middle console to kiss his husbands cheek. “Always have my eyes on you,” Roger smiled.

The two playfully teased each other back and fourth until Brian parked the car and they made their way to the entrance. Deaky and Freddie were waiting for them outside with a bouquet of flowers and blinding smiles. The four of the exchanged hugs and all congratulated Roger on his accomplishment. 

“Alright,” Freddie said with a clap of his hands. “We all know the drill by now. Get in, get out, and get drunk.”

“Fred,” Brian warned lovingly.

“I’m kidding,” Freddie smiled, kissing Roger’s cheek. “I’m so proud of you Rainbow, though I don’t understand how a doctorates degree is necessary for a strip club but you’re the professional not me.”

“I think what you meant to say was ‘I’m proud of you’,” Roger teased. “So thank you.”

“You should have heard him babbling this morning about how insanely proud of you he is,” Deaky said. “Almost started crying over it, swear on my heart.”

Freddie playfully huffed and puffed before insisting on fixing Roger’s hair, a graduation tradition he called it. While felt a quick pang of insecurity hit him and the older man faffed his thinning and slightly graying hair. That feeling left as quickly as it came. It’s quite silly, he’s going to be 60 in a few days and felt insecure over not having the same amount of hair he had at 24. Brian still pulls his with the same amount of passion he had the first time he pulled it. And every time he stills pulls it while thrusting into him like it’s-

“What’s with the cheeky grin,” Freddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Roger blushed. “Get to your seats, come on. Off you go.”

Final hugs were given and Brian lingered for just an extra moment. Not that Roger minded. This is the third graduation Brian has taken Roger to and the older man still has to stop himself from getting overly emotional before the ceremony begins. Roger likes to tease him but the reality is that he loves having a husband who is so incredibly proud of him. Everything Roger has done, he’s done to prove to himself he can do it. But having a husband whose just as proud means the world and more to him.

“I’m so proud of you,” Brian said stroking the younger mans cheek. “I’m so proud to be your husband. You deserve this. I love you, Rog.”

“I love you, Bri,” Roger said against the older mans mouth. “Thank you for the unconditional support all these years.”

Roger let the older man kiss him. 

A kiss not so chaste for public but Roger likes to think they’ve kissed in private for so long that they have to make up for all the PDA they’ve missed out on. The world has been more accepting of love like theirs but people still roll their eyes and make the occasional homophobic slur. Brian will take his hand and squeeze it just a bit tighter, never once has he let go of his hand in public. 

Roger broke the kiss when he felt Brian’s tears on his face. “No crying yet,” Roger said into his mouth. He kissed Brian one more time before pulling away to wipe his tears.

“It’s not just you finishing school,” Brian said, his voice only cracking slightly. Not that Roger was going to bring that up. Not now anyways. “I just can’t believe that we’re still together after all this time. I don’t know how I got so lucky. This feels like a fever dream. I’m quite convinced I’m going to wake up in 1973 and still be day dreaming over kissing you.” 

“I think the same thing almost everyday,” Roger said nearly in a whisper. He could feel his eyes filling up with tears. “Alright, now you really have to go before I turn into a blubbering mess.”

Roger let Brian squeeze the life out of him and kiss him gently before they parted ways. 

Not much has changed about the way Roger feels about ceremonies. The speeches seem to be reused over the years. Roger never paid much attention to the ceremony, always more interested in trying to find the mop of curls in the audience. He can never seem to relax until he sees Brian, Freddie, and Deaky. He knows the three are there but seeing them before his name gets called always puts him at ease. Once he saw his the three in the crowd, Roger relaxed for a middle before frantically waving his hand at them like an excited child. Roger doesn’t remember much of them calling his name or the hooding process, his heart beating was the only thing his brain could focus on. That was until he walked off the stage for the last time and his cheering section applauded for him for the last time.

Roger’s never felt more proud of himself.

That night in bed Brian showed Roger just how proud he truly is. The older man used his fingers and tongue to open him up. Always bringing him right to the edge only to pull back.

“It’s be worth the wait, Doctor,” Brian said swiping his tongue over Roger’s entrance.

“Fuck,” Roger moaned gripping the sheet until his knuckles turned white. “Say that again. Please, please, Bri.”

Brian pressed right onto Roger’s prostate one last time before pulling his fingers out. “Doctor,” Brian moaned as he lubed up his cock. “That’s hot. Gonna take care of you. Doctors need to be taken care of too.”

Roger found himself too incoherent to respond, opting for aggressively nodding his head and moaning. 

Brian hitched Roger’s legs around his waist before pushing in painfully slow. The older man showered him with praise until he bottomed out. Roger used his foot to budge Brian’s arse, letting him know he’s ready. His husband fucked slowly into him, moaning Doctor in Roger’s ear with each thrust. Roger doesn’t know how long the sex lasted, all he knew was he came within minutes of Brian pounding into his prostate and plunging his tongue into Roger’s mouth. He does know Brian lasted a bit longer than he did, fucking into his over sensitive hole. 

If Roger was a bit younger, he may have gotten hard again once he felt Brian paint his insides white.

Brian collapsed on top of Roger, panting into his mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Roger slurred happily. 

Brian proceeded with their post sex routine of cleaning Roger off then himself before climbing back into bed. Roger felt strong arms wrap around him from behind and instantly melted.

“Now I know why you barely lasted that first time I sucked your cock. Being called Doctor has got to be the hottest thing in the world.”

“Well get used to it,” Brian said kissing the back of Roger’s head. “If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”

And it was it that moment that Roger’s truly never been proud of himself.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like it!! :)
> 
> Any kudos and comments are appreciated greatly. Thank you so much for reading. Means so much to me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger surprises Brian with a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a hot minute but I'm back!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr Mother-mercury44

2013

“Sign here, Mr. Taylor,” a bloke in a suit said. “This gives the purchased land a name and puts the land in trust of your existing nonprofit.”

Roger internally groan and quickly signed his name, he’s lost count how many times he initial and signed over the last year. His signature is starting to not even look like his name. He’s tired of signing his name. He’s tired of the men in suits. He’s tired of the lawyers. What was supposed to be a surprise gift, has turned into a year long process. He knows it’ll be worth it. Every last bit of time, energy, and stress will be worth it.

“This is the last form,” another suit said, sliding a piece of paper in front of Roger. “This one makes you the official owner of the land.”

Roger couldn’t have signed his name any faster. 

The last bit of the meeting was a blur in Roger’s eyes. There was lots and lots handshaking and congratulations. It’s been a tiresome and never ending year of meetings, lawyers, and keeping secrets from his husband.

It wasn’t meant to be a secret but Roger didn’t want to involve Brian right away. Considering there was still a chance that it may not be possible. By the time every bit was figured out and planned, it was nearly a year later and Roger was signing the final paper work. Most of the funding came was given to Roger as a grant from the University he currently worked at. The grant was given to Roger on agreement of him using the land for teaching purposes, allowing internships, and volunteer work. A small price to pay for them nearly taking over the entire payment of the land. There is other fine print in terms of trees that need to be planted per year and keeping a specific number of animals on the land. Roger decided Brian can look more into that. This is Brian’s dream so the younger man doubt he’ll have to convince Brian to look into that. 

It’s been 18 years since Brian had his dreams shut down. Now Roger is on his way home to make the older mans dreams come true. 

The front door swung open a bit more harsh than Roger intended it to, but he didn’t care. 

“The front door sounds like it was busted open by a bull,” Brian shouted from the kitchen. “That must mean Roger’s home.”

Roger toed off his shoes and ran to the kitchen, his socks causing him to slip and slide his way into the kitchen. He let the binder dramatically drop on he counter in front in Brian.

“Keep up the jokes and you don’t get your birthday present,” Roger grinned.

“It’s March,” Brian pointed out. “After 40 years together, I thought you would know my birthday by now.”

Roger gestured for Brian to open up the binder. Brian seemed a bit hesitant as flipped the cover, his eyes carefully scanning the words on the first page. Roger knew the moment Brian read what was going on, Brian’s face went through every emotion possible and then proceeded to read it from the top again. As if he was making sure his eyes didn’t deceive him.

Brian looked him with wide eyes. “How much more before it’s real?”

“It’s already ours, Bri,” Roger smiled.

“How?” Brian asked. The confusion was clear on his face and in his voice. “I don’t understand.”

Roger took a seat next to his husband, placed his hand over Brian’s, and began to tell him every little detail over the last year. Every teeny tiny detail that allowed this once distant dream to become their reality. Brian listened and hung onto every word that came out of Roger’s mouth. By the time Roger finished, Brian’s face was wet with tears. There hasn’t been a shortage of tears throughout their relationship and Roger is just glad these are happy tears. 

“I can’t believe this,” Brian said in awe. “But why May Woods? If this is ours, shouldn’t it be both our names.”

“Absolutely not,” Roger stated firmly. “In an ideal world, I would be Roger May. And even though I’m not Roger May legally, I still am between us. That’s all that matters.”

Brian stood up from his chair and pulled Roger into his arms. “Bloody May’s Wood,” Brian cooed. “Thank you so much, Roger. I cannot believe it. I love you.”

“Bloody May’s Wood,” Roger parroted. “I love you, Bri.”

-

The official opening couldn’t have gone better.

Sure there were annoying men in suits who wanted to ask them two dozen questions every other minute. But Roger couldn’t have cared less. Seeing the blinding smile on Brian’s face made it worth it. It’s been a long time since he’s seen Brian in his element. If there is anyone who deserves to be this happy, it is most definitely Brian. Roger drank champagne with Freddie and Deaky as the three of them watched the older man. He listened as Brian spoke about future plans and watched as his lover smiled for over a hundred photos. Roger’s heart fluttered every time Brian smiled. As if he hasn’t been around that smile for the last 40 years. 

“You are completely smitten,” Deaky teased. “40 years together and you still get all hot and bothered by your husband.”

“Fuck off,” Roger said with no heat behind his words. “Pure happiness is so sexy on him. God, I could do with him screwing me over-”

“There are children here,” Freddie interrupted. “63 years old and you are still a little minx.”

Roger covered his mouth and double checked there weren’t any little ears around him. “Oh blow me,” Roger joked. “I stopped by the other day and you two were going at in the garden.”

Freddie and Deaky both went back to sipping their champagne as Roger teased the two of them. The blond likes to think the four of them are among the luckiest men in the world. He wonders how many people can say they’re still just as in love as they were 40 years ago. Roger looked over back at his husband, who has become a complete silver fox over the last few years. Brian wasn’t all too happy about showing signs of aging but Roger likes to think he did a good job showing his husband just how much he loves every bit of him.

Brian and Roger locked eyes and Roger watched the older man excused himself from a journalist before making his way to him.

“Rog,” Brian said kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you for this.”

“Not really a big deal,” Roger said kissing him back. “Though I would not say no to you showing me how thankful you are tonight.”

“You purchase me 65 hectares of land and I eat your arse out in our garden under the stars,” Brian whispered in Roger’s ears.

“Fair enough, May,” Roger smiled.

-

One of the Uni students that volunteers showed Brian how to work Instagram. His husband is completely obsessed with using social media to educate and reach out to people all over the world. He’s constantly having Roger take 100 photos of him and at least 20 selfies of the two of them a day. 

Roger can’t quite get behind the social media craze but he’ll tolerate for the sole reason that his husband loves it. Brian made him an account and showed him the ropes. Roger’s heart skipped a literal beat when he read the sweetest captions Brian put on the photos he posted of the two of them. 

So maybe he can get behind it.

Six months into them officially owning the land, Brian climbed into bed every night with an incredibly smile on his face. 

“Today was brilliant,” Brian said pulling Roger in his arms. “Just like yesterday and I bet tomorrow will be too.”

“I love seeing you like this,” Roger sighed sleepily.  
  
“We finally have everything we’ve ever wanted,” Brian said. “Don’t you think so?”

Roger would love to be able to say he agrees. He’s 64 years old and wakes up the happiest man in the world and goes to sleep even happier. He feels quite silly for thinking there is something missing from his life. He thought things would have been different by now, sure 40 years ago people had different feelings towards their love. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that some people think he can’t marry the man he loves. He nearly died laughing a few years ago when they allowed same sex civil partnership. 

It’s not the same.

“Of course, Bri,” Roger lied. “Everything we’ve ever wanted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like!  
> Thank you in advance to any comments or kudos you leave.  
> And as always thank you for reading :')
> 
> Next chapter is the last chapter and my hearts a little sad for this to end.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Roger finally get their happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am back with this very short last chapter.
> 
> I'm on tumblr @Mother-mercury44

March 13, 2014

Roger didn’t know if he wanted to make a big deal out of it. Yes, it’s special and something he’s wanted for 40 years but also as far as he’s concern he’s already married. The law never once made a difference in Roger’s mind. Though, there is a tiny little voice in his head telling him this is a big deal. And there is a slightly louder voice in his head telling him that Brian should be making a big deal out of this for Roger’s sake.

Brian’s been gone most of the day, leaving Roger to pace around the house wondering if he should ask the question. Wondering if Brian has some elaborate proposal planned. Or wondering if Brian thinks he is coming home to proposal. Half a dozen different scenarios ran through the blonds head. It wasn’t until he heard the sound of the backdoor opening that he relaxed.

The blond raced to the kitchen and greeted his husband with a kiss. “How was your day?”

“Oh same old,” Brian said smugly. “The woods was great, a bit chilly out. Nothing exciting.”

Roger leaned against the counter as Brian poured them two glasses of wine. “Yeah?”

It’s an act Roger tells himself. His husband does this to tease him on purpose, he knows Roger is impatient. He’d rather tease him enough to get a rise out of him than just go ahead and give him what he clearly wants.

Brian handed Roger a heavy glass of wine. “The news was pretty quiet.”

“Bri,” Roger begged. “It’s been a bit over 40 years, just come on it with already.”

The older man sipped his wine a few times before setting his and Rogers down. Roger let Brian take his hands with his own, kissing his knuckles gently.

“Rog,” Brian smiled. “Would you like to do this thing for real? I know you always said a piece of paper didn’t matter and that what matters is-”

Roger smashed his lips to Brian, effectively cutting off the older man. It was a messy kiss, teeth clanking like inexperienced teenagers and way too much tongue. It didn’t matter. Not when Brian cupped his arse with the same amount of lust he did 41 years ago. As if no time passed, they’re just two young lovers with all the time in the world.

“Of course,” Roger said between kisses. “Of fucking course, Bri.”

It it was 1973, Brian would have carried him to the bedroom and threw him on the bed. Or maybe get on the kitchen floor and make love right there, but their joints and bad backs are against floor sex these days. Since they’re in their early 60’s, Roger grabbed Brian’s hand dragged them both to the bedroom. Letting Brian push him gently on the bed before crawling between his legs.

-

The two gave their noticed and were married 16 days later. Freddie and Deaky stood next to them the same way they did all those years ago. And in two days Roger and Brian will stand next to Freddie and Deaky when they tie the knot. The four of them getting what they wanted after having to wait what felt like a life time. 

Roger kissed his husband, exchanged their original rings, and he was officially married to his husband of 41 years. 

“Do you feel any different,” Roger whispered once they parted from their kiss.

“I feel like the luckiest man in the world,” Brian whispered back. “I got to marry the most perfect man twice.”

“Oh shut up and kiss me again,” Roger laughed.

The four of them popped champagne back at the May household. It wasn’t anything like the wild nights they used to have. Roger wasn’t surprised when Freddie and Deaky left around 8. Maybe it was so the newlyweds could consummate their official marriage. Roger isn’t complaining either way. Roger had been flirting and playfully teasing his husband all night and the growing bulge in Brian’s pants was getting hard for the older man to hide.

“So,” Roger dragged out. “Want to go have old married sex?”

“Absolutely, love.”

The two of the jetted off the bedroom, Roger plopped himself in the middle of the bed and watched in awe as Brian removed his shirt and trousers. Licking his lips at the sight of his husband in just his briefs. He’s never been more in love than he is right now. It seems like no time has passed at all but their gray hair and slightly pudgy bodies beg to differ. The same hazel eyes and sharp smile are there staring back at him. 

“You the view?”

“My favorite view,” Roger flirted back.

Roger watched as Brian crawled on the bed and gently removed his shirt and trousers before rolling on top of the younger man. Their heavy erections resting against each others as Brian kissed down his jaw to his neck. Look for any type of friction, Roger began to thrust up and let his clothed cock slide along his husbands.

“Absolutely no patience,” Brian laughed.

“Come on,” Roger groaned. “A bit horny down here.”

“Can’t have that,” Brian cooed.

After a quick removal of their briefs, their hands went for each others cocks and they slowly stroked each others members. Roger wanted nothing more than to get the show going and get his husbands cock inside of him. But now as the two facing each other on their sides while holding each other cocks, Roger couldn’t careless what they do.

Which is good since neither of them lasted more than a few quick and tight strokes. Both of them coming in each others hands, like a couple of old men. 

“Well that was,” Brian huffed as he came down from his orgasm. 

“Definitely planned,” Roger lied with a smile on his face. “We’re both much too tired for sex.”

They laughed together while cleaning up and it even continued a bit during their shower. It’s not nearly the most embarrassing thing to happen to them and not even close to the funniest thing that’s happened to them.

It wasn’t until the two were changed into their old man pajamas and curled up in bed together the laughter died down. 

Roger felt an overwhelming rush of love and affection flood through his body. There’s never been a day that Roger didn’t love Brian. Through every good time and bad time. The dark days that turned into dark months. The good times that never seemed to end. He loved him every single minute of every single day. It feels like an entire lifetime that he’s been staring into those hazel eyes yet sometimes feels like the first time. 

“You’re being quiet,” Brian said quietly.

“Thinking about how much I love you,” Roger smiled into Brian’s chest. “And how I’m a greedy man who has gotten everything he has ever wanted.”

“I love you, Rog,” Brian said, running a hand up and down Roger’s back. “You deserve to be greedy. You have given me everything I could ever want and I’m forever in debt to you.”

Brian tilted Roger’s chin up for a chaste goodnight kiss and it was only moment later the older man was snoring.

Roger twisted the ring on his finger as he sat and thought about the years behind him. He smiled know these golden years to come will the cherry on top to an already amazing life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, the kudos, and the comments. It all means so much to me. I was really excited to write part two but everything that is going on with Co-vid really drained the life out of me. I'm very lucky my job is essential but I could do without the extra hours. I really lost (and am still losing) motivation to write which makes me sad cos I love it. This story took six months and I'm sad it's over. 
> 
> I appreciate you all. I do have two other one shots planned for their series but I'm not sure when I'll get around
> 
> See you later :')


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